Skipping Town

The kids and I went to Trader Joe's this morning then stopped in at Tous Les Jours for coffee buns. We reminisced about the Music Together class Lucia took as a baby in Park Slope (which she does not remember) and about the lockdown in March 2020 (which they do remember).  The rest of the day was restful: Greta worked on a school assignment; Lucia read; Andrew and Lucia went for a run; I read; the girls and I finished season 5 of Lost (shocking and upsetting); Andrew and I watched The White Lotus. It was strange and new not to have the looming CT scan results shadowing the day.  Tomorrow the regular routine resumes, with the kids' spring break finally over. It's not a regular week for me, sadly, with chemo #5 on Wednesday. Dreading it but ready to put it in the rearview.

My CT scan showed no evidence of cancer in chest or abdomen/pelvis! The results came in at 1:00 a.m. and I saw the notification when I woke up. I'm excited and relieved. I don't know if this means I'm in "NED" status, which means "no evidence of disease," ovarian cancer's version of remission; or if I have to finish chemo before reaching this status. I'll find out on Wednesday when I go in for my pre-chemo appointment. Many people with this low-grade form of ovarian cancer are NED for many years before having a recurrence, so please keep sending up all the good energy and prayers!  It was so nice not having the dread hanging over my head all day.  Mid-morning, Greta and I took Nutmeg to the vet for her annual check-up. This is a huge pain because her vet is in Bethel Park--it's not easy to find a vet to treat exotic pets, and yes, rabbits are considered exotics. She got her vaccine; got some bloodwork because, at almost six years old, she...

Tried to keep as busy as possible today to keep my mind off impending CT scan results. I worked from home, took a break for a Lunch n' Lost with the kids, and then took them shopping at Target for spring clothes later in the afternoon. Lucia tried on all her spring clothes yesterday and it was absolutely comical--she outgrew everything. Every last thing. She had a huge growth spurt over the past year. Greta had outgrown most of her things too, but mostly because she always insists on hanging onto things far longer than they actually fit. She just likes to keep them. They got a few things in NYC and a few things at Target. A good start. Beth and Nate came over for dinner, which finished off the day. I don't expect to get CT scan results until next week. The waiting is excruciating.

On Wednesday I went into the office until lunchtime then worked from home. The girls slept late. Lucia hung out with a friend in the afternoon. Later, the girls and I watched two episodes of Lost and then Andrew and I watched The White Lotus. I had to keep my mind totally distracted to keep from thinking about my CT scan the next day. Today, Thursday, was the scan--the midpoint scan that's part of the clinical study. Though the scan itself was fine, it took two nurses four attempts to get the IV in. It was horrendous. After the third try I thought I was going to pass out and had to lie down on a gurney. The fourth attempt was actually on the CT scan table--they tried to flush the IV and it hurt like crazy so they had to take it out and try once more. Awful awful. And what's even more awful is that I won't get the test results for several days.  If I'm not working or reading or watching TV, I start catastrophizing. I worked from home for the day. Tonight I made chili and...

Last day. After packing up and getting organized, we had breakfast at Tous Les Jours and tried a bunch of the pastries. All of us liked the coffee bun best except for Andrew. Greta had a cherry blossom latte.  We squeezed one final event into our last day in NYC. Our destination was one I planned, and one you wouldn't expect from someone who lived in or near NYC for almost two decades: FAO Schwartz at Rockefeller Center. Our destination wasn't the store itself; it was the Jellycat Diner. I'd learned about the existence of the Jellycat Diner from social media, where the wise algorithm placed videos and pictures in front of me enough times for me to finally pay attention and make a reservation. This is not actually a diner; this is just a specific area in the store where food-themed Jellycats are sold, and if you pay an extra fee you can "order" a specific "food" from the "menu" and aspiring / out-of-work actors behind a "counter" ...

Yesterday's gorgeous weather turned into rain for the entirety of today, which is unfortunate since today was the day I'd promised the kids some shopping in Soho. After breakfast at Bourke Street Bakery, we braved the rain and took the subway downtown. The kids both found some cute spring clothes as we shopped along, and Greta got some perfume. Dad bought a t-shirt at Uniqlo and Mom bought a trench coat at Muji. Andrew bought some notebooks at the MoMA Design Store. I bought a small dish with rabbits on it from Pearl River.  We had lunch at Joe's Shanghai, which has moved locations. This was a shock, even though they moved in 2019; I hadn't realized how long it had been since I was there. It could have been 2018. Fortunately Andrew had looked up the address on his phone as we walked, and discovered it was no longer on Pell St. Regardless of the weirdness of the new location, the soup dumplings were delicious. Dad also had some amazing crispy beef. And our hot tea was re...

Such a great day. We went to Ess-a-Bagel this morning, which was delicious of course, then got on the subway and headed to the Upper West Side. Our destination was the Grand Bazaar, a huge outdoor flea / vintage / handmade market. I used to go all the time when I lived in Morningside Heights and still have a pair of earrings I bought there. Lucia and Greta found some fun things to buy, including watch rings (both), and a small bottle and a necklace (Greta). The girls also shared a grape tanghulu (candied fruit on a stick), which they liked.  We stopped at Gray's Papaya before getting back on the subway, where Andrew, Lucia, and Greta had a pre-lunch hot dog. I would have killed for a Gray's Papaya hot dog but I'm pretty sure my post-chemo instructions had those on the "avoid" list? It's hard to remember what real things I've been instructed and what not-medically-verified things I've read online. Easy enough to avoid for now. We took the subway to Broo...

An incredibly full day in NYC. This morning, we took an Uber to Grand Central and had bagels for breakfast in the dining concourse. Then we took Metro North into the Bronx, to the New York Botanical Garden, to see the orchid show. It was spectacular. The theme was Mexican Modernism, and the orchids--thousands of them--were sometimes displayed against colorful walls painted purple, pink, and orange. The whole thing was amazing.  Then we hopped on a tram to get a brief tour of the rest of the garden, which was fun but also made us want to return when the flowers are in bloom. Although I went to the orchid show decades ago, when I spent a semester as an adjunct at Fordham, it's been long enough that I consider this visit today an entirely new activity. Another new activity followed, as we made our way to the Little Italy of the Bronx and walked along Arthur Avenue. We bought biscotti at Madonia Bakery, had pizza for lunch in the central market, then went to the Morrone Pastry Shop for...

A great NYC day. We had breakfast near the hotel at Bourke Street Bakery, delicious almond croissants and chocolate croissants. Then we took an Uber up to Times Square, where we stood outside the Nasdaq building at 43rd Street and watched Barbra and her family on the huge screen that covers the entire side of the building--Barbra and the CEO of her company rang the bell at the Nasdaq! We also waved to them through the windows of the studio. So fun to see her.  Then we walked over to the New York Public Library to see the Century of the New Yorker exhibition. It was a fantastic show, lots of back story and ephemera from the early days through the present. The Rose reading room was closed to tourists but we wandered around the room across from it (can't remember the name), which housed a lot of interesting portraits. Then we went into the Treasures exhibit, where highlights included the stuffed animals that inspired the Winnie the Pooh books, a decoy Ulysses in a Bobbsey Twins cover,...

First day in NYC! We left early this morning and had an easy drive, getting to the James hotel right at check-in time. Mom and Dad have a room and we have a suite with two bathrooms--a luxury but also not a luxury when you consider we will not be victim to a quadruple homicide trying to manage one bathroom with two teen girls.  We spent the afternoon walking in the city, from Madison Square Park down to Union Square Park. We went into some shops. Greta bought a NYC-themed Lego set and a book; Lucia bought two sets of press-on nails and some spring clothes at H&M. We spent a while in the Strand.  Andrew peeled off to meet some old co-worker friends and the rest of us walked back toward Madison Square Park for dinnar at Wagamama, and then gelato at Eataly. Sadly, it began to rain, and we had a bit of a forced march as we tried to find a place to get some bottles of water, which we ultimately found at HMart. Then in for the night. It's good to be back. 

Worked from home and got things ready for our trip. The kids and Andrew went out to shop for car snacks; Andrew and I took Farrah for a walk to CVS so I could by Dramamine; we packed; I got everything prepared for the pet sitter. The kids and I watched one episode of Lost.  We'll leave early tomorrow morning for New York. Spring break vacation begins!

Almost totally back to normal! Made it through cycle four. Yay. I'm trying to remain positive--only two more two go!--while also just feeling like, really? I have to go through this two more times? But two is better than six. The end is in sight for this first phase. I went into the office for most of the day. I was so hungry after work I made myself a pre-dinner snack of a pot of peanut butter noodles from the NYT. Tonight, Andrew and Lucia went to a hockey game, and Greta and I watched Gilmore Girls. We are all doing laundry and selecting outfits for our trip. I am, as always with trips, very excited and very sad to leave the pets.

Feeling much better today. Less tired, less sore, more normal. I worked from home. Andrew and I met with our kitchen designer. (When she came in and said "I love your hair!" I said, without fanfare, "Thank you!", fighting my impulse to declare IT'S A WIG FROM AMAZON and eschewing unnecessary explanations.) Andrew made an amazing shepherd's pie and chocolate Guinness cake in honor of St. Patrick's Day (a holiday I would otherwise have forgotten about). I am still just ravenous; I could have eaten the entire shepherd's pie. I'm not exaggerating. I can literally feel my body frantically burning energy as it scrambles to heal from this chemo cycle. It's doing a good job. While Andrew and I worked, the kids read a lot, made pancakes, and walked to the grocery store to buy Lucky Charms and then got bubble tea. I love their sisterly excursions.   Tonight Andrew had a late meeting and the girls and I watched Lost. Is it...too confusing now? I sense w...

Feeling a little better today. I slept last night, making all the difference, and just rested a lot throughout the day. I read, watched Lost with the kids, went on a walk with Andrew and Farrah, and watched The White Lotus with Andrew tonight. In the afternoon, I even took the kids into Shadyside to shop at Francesca's--Lucia wanted a new dress to wear in NYC. She found a cute dress, Greta found a sweater, and both got some jewelry with a buy-one-get-two-free sale. I tried to get the kids to watch more Lost tonight, but they wanted to READ. Lucia is finishing up Iron Flame, a smutty dragon romantasy (I don't know what any of that really means and I'm going to maintain my igorance as long as possible), and Greta is reading something else. (It's hard for me to keep track of Greta's reading, because she reads so much and also flips back and forth between old favorites, rereading.) I ate well today; appetite remains unaffected, though it was still hard to drink liquids ...

Day of rest. I actually slept last night--hooray--thanks to the Tylenol PM. I slept in, took a bath, read my book. Andrew and I went to Trader Joe's. Both girls slept late, Lucia egregiously so--until 2pm. Their two-week spring break has started, and they needed the rest. After lunch, Andrew and I and Farrah walked to town to return library books.  Then I settled onto the couch. Andrew and I watched an episode of The White Lotus we'd missed. Then the girls and I watched a bunch of Lost. We're in season five, and it is getting very hard to follow, maybe partly because I am still very tired and out of it and the show's blurring of reality and dreamy time-shifting kind of fits where I am on this Saturday after chemo. Untethered all around.   I'm ready for the day to be over. My legs are hurting, I'm tired, and I have a terrible taste in my mouth that's making it hard to drink anything. My appetite, weirdly, remains voracious, even though food tastes kind of meh...

This morning, in the chaos of getting out the door, Lucia asked if I was going into the office today. (She gets very impatient on the days when I go into the office, when Andrew stops at the light at the corner of Forbes and Morewood to let me out by campus before continuing on to school for the girls' drop-off.) I had to just pause and say, "Lucia, do I LOOK like I'm going into the office today?" I was wearing old leggings, a t-shirt with no bra, a flannel shirt over that, with my hair in a turban. This was clearly a barely-working-from-home outfit. This was a camera-off-if-a-meeting-pops-up-on-my-calendar outfit. Lucia gave me a once-over, shrugged, and said, "I just thought you were trying something new." This child is too much.  Today was a long and tired day. I worked, but barely. I picked Greta up at school and took her to a hair appointment, my only time out of the house today. And I was absolutely starving all day--had a huge lunch and a huge dinner....

Least favorite day, the day after chemo. I barely slept at all last night (the melantonin did not work) and was exhausted all day. It was an insanely busy workday, too. (I found reason today to write the words "swag quagmire" in a message to my boss, though, which redeemed the day a bit.)  Then I lay down and watched Gilmore Girls while Andrew took the kids to piano. They picked up dinner from How Lee on their way home, blessed souls. I ate two platefuls of food. My appetite has been unaffected by all this, and the weird bitter taste I've gotten in past cycles hasn't appeared yet. So, again, being tired isn't fun, but that is literally the only side effect right now, so I can't complain.  In the interest in a complete record, I should keep noting the physical toll of these past few weeks: I have ugly purple bruises on both hands from Tuesday's double-attempt at the blood work; and there are two hard, bumpy veins in my left forearm from IVs past. Battle sca...

I woke up anxious about receiving the CA-125 results, and then the morning took an even more anxiety-producing turn when we pulled up to the door of the school, dropping off the kids at 7:30, and I got a call from the oncology nurse at UPMC saying my ABS neutrophil number was low enough to call my treatment today into question, and I had to come in for a retest before proceeding. What a gut punch.  So we arrived at Magee and went up to the Womens Cancer Center first, where I got my IV and blood work for the retest. Then we went down to the Gynecologic Cancer Center for my appointment with the PA and clinical trial coordinator. My results from the retest had already arrived, and the ABS neutrophil was not only not alarmingly low, but normal! Same with my white blood cell number. So weird. There was no real explanation; the PA just said my body needed the extra day to do what it needed to do.  Treatment assured, we went back to the Cancer Center for the day. Despite my more-than...

The eve of chemo #4. A day that began with the customary blood work first thing in the morning, which required two tries. The worst. I have bruises on both hands. Then I went to work for half a day, met friends for lunch, then worked from home for the rest of the day.  Later Greta and I went to the grocery store to get ingredients for cookies she's bringing to her Taylor Swift elective tomorrow. She made a s'mores bar and is calling them "Eversmores." (I get the wordplay because I am surrounded by all things TSwift.).  Then I helped Lucia work on her camp counselor application, or, at least, tried my best to help. She does not seem to appreciate or even believe that I spent decades as a professional writer and editor and might actually know useful things about writing and editing. I did at least get her to think a little bit more constructively about why she was applying for the job beyond just 'it will be fun'. Andrew went to a hockey game. He already had tic...

I saw Molly in the morning today before she and Jeremy left for work activities, and then I went to a dentist appointment and worked from home. Mom and Dad came to visit in the afternoon and they and Molly and I walked to Starbucks. Sadly it was a short visit, and everyone left shortly afterward.  Andrew and I went over to celebrate Beth's birthday while the kids did all of their schoolwork and piano, a welcome break to the evening. I'm glad it was a busy weekend and Monday. Tomorrow will bring the first phase of chemo cycle #4.

A lovely Saturday. Andrew, the kids, and I went to the Strip this morning to shop at Posman, get some food at Penn Mac and Wholey's, and have lunch at the Novo Food Hall. Always fun to spend some time down there.  Lucia and I finished the grocery shopping at Giant Eagle, then Andrew and Lucia went for a run. At four, Mom and Dad came for a visit and dinner. We showed them the collapsed retaining wall, and Andrew made pizzas in the Ooni for dinner. We all told travel stories while we ate because Lucia said she had an assignment to interview someone, and she wanted to ask about traveling. All of us have an amazing roster of stories. Of course, typical teen, Lucia refused all of our tales (scornfully, wearily) and instead chose Greta to tell her the story of falling out of bed and needing stitches at an ER in Rome. (To be fair, this is indeed a good story.) Later tonight, Molly and Jeremy arrived since Jeremy has to be in Pittsburgh for work tomorrow. We briefly visited before finally...

The girls and I went to a book sale this morning in Edgewood. On the way home, they decided to get boba so I dropped them off on the corner of Murray so they could walk down to Forbes. We convened for a spell of Lunch n' Lost (two episodes), and then Andrew and I cleaned up the guest room since Molly and Jeremy are coming tomorrow.  We had a fun evening out with friends: first a show at Liberty Magic, which was fantastic; and then dinner at Talia. I'll be happy when I can have a cocktail or glass of wine again. I haven't had a drink since starting chemo. My poor body is dealing with an onslaught of poison every three weeks and I just feel better sticking to water, tea, and coffee for now.  

A busy day but I worked from home, which was a nice way to end the week. The girls and I relaxed with two episodes of Lost and the season finale of The Way Home. Dinner was a mishmash of leftovers that the kids eschewed in favor of making their own grilled cheese sandwiches. Not too much else to report from this ordinary end to the week.

Full day in the office for the third day in a row, and I'm tired. But it's been a very busy week and, as I always say, busy-ness is best. Tonight Lucia had musical rehearsal, and both girls had piano. Andrew went to a parent meeting at the Steel City boathouse, the official start of Greta's spring crew season. The girls and I squeezed in an episode of Lost. Some possibly good news in the Story of the Retaining Wall: Andrew met another mason today, and this guy said that part of the wall (the part that didn't collapse) could be preserved, and that we don't need to take down the big tree. He didn't give an estimate yet but this sounds like a potentially lower cost.  I wore the Amazon wig to work today and a colleague I don't see very often complimented me on my new hair style. Lesson from this awkward encounter, where I announced it was a wig and then realized this colleague had no idea I'm going through chemo: if someone compliments one of my wigs, just s...

Work has been so incredibly busy, which, at this time, is exactly what I need. There's not even a minute to start worrying about next week's blood work and chemo. And for the past few evenings Andrew and I have been catching up on the new season of White Lotus, which is also excellent distraction. Not as good as Lost, but good. For any spare moment, I'm reading a thriller. Keep the brain occupied. Andrew had the gall today to point out what appears to be some water damage in our bathroom, suggesting we have a leak. A few years ago, we had an issue in the exact same place when some ice froze (?) somewhere in a gutter (?) or on the roof (?). I chose to do the responsible thing today, which was announce that it's almost spring and I'm going to pretend that what he showed me doesn't exist.  My new Amazon wigs came today. One is a keeper, a blunt-cut shoulder-length bob, a little more severe than my usual look especially when paired with my new black-framed glasses; ...

Disaster. A mason guy met Andrew today to assess the retaining wall damage and my joking figure from yesterday turns out to be not a joke at all. We're going to get more estimates, but this is a huge huge huge job. The wall must be completely rebuilt, and a giant tree whose roots were partially the cause of the wall's undoing must be taken down. Homeownership. This is the absolute worst. And also the absolute worst time for this malicious, inept government to be tanking the stock market. But. But! I have chosen peace. This is a homeownership travail, but we'll get the work done, and then the Story of the Retaining Wall will be over. My capacity for getting stressed out and upset about anything that's not, you know, SURVIVING CANCER has decreased almost to the point of extinction. I literally have one thing to worry about and focus on: becoming and remaining disease-free or -stable for many many many years.  This is a perspective shift. I wish I could return to my previo...

A regular, uneventful day. That can't be said for Sunday morning, which I forgot to write about yesterday. Mid-morning, I was puttering around the kitchen when the doorbell rang. When I saw a young-ish male stranger through the window, I put on the aggrieved but polite face I wear for solicitors and, corralling a freaking-out Farrah, said "Yes?" without opening the storm door. He said he was our backyard neighbor. Important note: our "backyard neighbor" is actually very far below us, as our street is at the top of a hill; the houses on the street below ours are separated from and protected by a series of retaining walls on each property on our street. (Note: this was news to me; I'd never peeked over the wooden fence at the back of our yard to see this wall.)  I should have given a spoiler alert. Obviously the neighbor was there to announce that our retaining wall had collapsed into his yard. "Usually I park the car there," he said. "Good thin...

Spent most of the day relaxing by reading and crocheting a leprechaun hat. Lucia and Andrew went to a hockey game, and Greta and I walked with Farrah to the library for pickups and then to Starbucks. On the way home, we talked about all of the toys and collections that were the backbone of her and Lucia's childhoods: Lego Friends figures, My Little Ponies, Shopkins, Splashlings, American Girls, Calico Critters, Playmobil animals and foods, Barbie-sized princesses, Maileg mice. Formative. The deep playing the kids did with all of these things never ceases to amaze. Hours upon days upon weeks and months. I can think of others that were important to them in their very earliest years: Magic Clip princesses, Strawberry Shortcake dolls. Each collection is vast, and now organized and tucked away. I assured Greta we'll never get rid of any of it.  Homework and piano practicing and dinner took up the evening. I also put away, finally, the last of the Christmas things that I like to keep...

I picked Greta up from her sleepover this morning, and then she, Lucia, and I caught up on last night's The Way Home plus and episode of Lost. Then Greta took a nap and Lucia began preparing for her semi-formal. Andrew and I took Farrah on a long walk in Schenley--it was bitter cold outside but we persevered. Then we spent some time planning our New York trip, booking all our dinners.  Tonight was the Upper School's semi-formal at Heinz History Center. Three of Lucia's friends came over for pictures beforehand, and Andrew drove them to the dance. Lucia's dress was so cute--very long and shimmery metallic Barbie pink, with a corset back, plus very high black heels. She looked beautiful.  Greta hung out at home with the pets while Andrew and I went to the club for dinner with the Clarks. I hadn't been up there for months, since my diagnosis; I miss taking tennis lessons. I'll get back to it later this spring. Laundry and groceries and plant watering filled the res...