Skipping Town

emPalassing : The idea of other countries looking at Sarah Palin or her fans as representatives of the U.S. Palverick : Sarah Palin’s idea of a “maverick.” Also: any term forever ruined/contaminated by its association with or usage by Sarah Palin. Palksy : Sarah Palin’s theatrical and nauseating version of “folksy,” characterized by phrases like “you betcha” and “darn right.” Palmace : Sarah Palin’s prissy, annoying grimace that photographers seem to love capturing. Palndering : What Sarah Palin’s doing to the poor crazies too ignorant to see it. psyPalatrist : What many liberals might soon need, solely to listen to rants about Sarah Palin. dysPalctional : The final state of any family forced to watch its matriarch stir a Florida crowd into a homicidal frenzy.

accuPalin : A wild accusation delivered out of hate, small-mindedness, and desperation. Palenzy : What a wild-eyed crowd of scary right-wing crazies is whipped into when listening to a barrage of accuPalins. SPud : The ugliest political mud I’ve ever seen slung, courtesy of the “Christian” Sarah Palin. Palaska : An alternate name for a beautiful state that now has a horrific and perhaps permanent association (i.e., contamination) with Sarah Palin. inPain : Mentally unbalanced. That goes for both of them. unPalatable : Sarah Palin’s claim that “the heels are on, the gloves are off.” See also: nausPalating. nausPalating : Sarah Palin’s shrill, “folksy,” fingernails-on-a-chalkboard screech. Lord of the Palins : A frightening image of what could happen when an insane, ignorant crowd gets riled up by a dangerous leader. Palinheit 451 : Sarah Palin’s favorite temperature. blood Palssure : What increases when creating daily Palinisms.

fabriPalin : A lie shouted to a crowd in Sarah Palin’s shrill “folksy” drawl. self-castiPalin : A transparent attempt to make light of one’s dismal, embarrassing interview performance by making jokes about it to the press. Pit Palin : An animal trained to deliver the attacks that no one else is willing to. ePasion : Trying to evade a difficult question by declaring that your “maverick” status exempts you from having to answer it. nightSare : A nightmare about or involving Sarah Palin. reorganiPalin : Switching the order of the newspaper sections so that Sarah Palin’s face isn’t what you see every time you walk past the coffee table.

debache A painful, lingering clenching in the stomach that comes from anticipating, watching, and then stewing over a debate involving Sarah Palin. The debache may render one unable to eat. inapPalpriate Any behavior undertaken in a serious public forum that is best reserved for pep rallies, such as giving a “shout-out” during a vice presidential debate. plink A wink delivered without losing one’s train of thought in a serious public forum. proPalsal A loud, shrill proposal, in a serious public forum, to call one’s opponent by his/her first name. catePalies Swiftly drawn delineations between groups, such as hockey moms and East Coast elites, intended to convey the moral superiority of one group over the other.

anticiPalin: The nervous, sickening, heart-rate-raising anticipation of watching a Sarah Palin interview. animal comPalin: Any animal that could be cruelly shot and skinned by Sarah Palin. vaPation: A trip to a remote place taken solely to escape news about Sarah Palin. newsPalins: Any newspapers you’d like others to believe you’ve read consistently, but which you’ve never read at all. prePalsition: Any preposition used in a way that is grammatically incorrect and painful to the ear. Palic: The panic that arises when you’re publicly confronted by an important question to which you should, but do not, know the answer.

Last week, I was reading something, somewhere, on one of the many sites I scan obsessively every day, about new words we might take away from this election, much like “Bushism” is one of many we’ll take away from the Bush years. The suggestion was exPalination—a rambling, nonsensical explanation that goes on and on and has absolutely no content. I propose these as well: obsessive-comPalin The inability to stop watching Palin interviews and reading Palin-focused news, despite the fact that doing so is painful. HallowPaleen The powerful desire to style one's hair in a Sarah Palin up-do, don an asymmetrically-buttoning suit jacket and rimless eyeglasses, and make endless homemade video-parodies of Sarah Palin. Seriously. I feel the pull. The words and convoluted sentences are literally forming on my tongue.