Separation
Last week, Lucia (and I) reached a milestone: her first time staying with a friend without me for a few hours. A friend of mine with a daughter Lucia’s age works on Fridays, so I am taking her little one for the afternoon (another woman has her in the morning); in return, she will take Lucia for a morning each week.
So, last Tuesday, we went over to their house. After playing for a little while, I told Lucia I had to run some errands and would be back soon…When I left, expecting the worst, I listened at the door; no crying. I had a bagel at a café one block away, waiting for a come-get-her call; it never came. Instead, my friend texted to say Lucia was playing and having a snack. Success!
This week was a bit rougher. She cried when I left, her little face crumpled in a don’t-leave-me look; it was awful. Again I had a bagel nearby. But my friend soon texted to say she cried for about three minutes and was now playing happily. Unfortunately, when I picked her up a little while later, I was told she’d had a little rough patch triggered by the visit of another friend. This isn’t surprising—she doesn’t like strangers even when I’m around, so I’m sure this threw her for a loop. Apparently she stood facing a corner, unconsolable; and she refused to eat any lunch whatsoever. So sad. Once she was in her stroller, as we walked home, she scarfed down all her food. My poor little one.
Difficult as this is for her and guilt-inducing as it is for me, I really think it’s important that we establish a basic fact that we probably should have established much earlier on: I may leave, but I will come back, and she can be fine for a little while with someone else (someone else who’s not a grandparent, of course). This has to be okay. I hope it will be as this becomes more routine.
So, last Tuesday, we went over to their house. After playing for a little while, I told Lucia I had to run some errands and would be back soon…When I left, expecting the worst, I listened at the door; no crying. I had a bagel at a café one block away, waiting for a come-get-her call; it never came. Instead, my friend texted to say Lucia was playing and having a snack. Success!
This week was a bit rougher. She cried when I left, her little face crumpled in a don’t-leave-me look; it was awful. Again I had a bagel nearby. But my friend soon texted to say she cried for about three minutes and was now playing happily. Unfortunately, when I picked her up a little while later, I was told she’d had a little rough patch triggered by the visit of another friend. This isn’t surprising—she doesn’t like strangers even when I’m around, so I’m sure this threw her for a loop. Apparently she stood facing a corner, unconsolable; and she refused to eat any lunch whatsoever. So sad. Once she was in her stroller, as we walked home, she scarfed down all her food. My poor little one.
Difficult as this is for her and guilt-inducing as it is for me, I really think it’s important that we establish a basic fact that we probably should have established much earlier on: I may leave, but I will come back, and she can be fine for a little while with someone else (someone else who’s not a grandparent, of course). This has to be okay. I hope it will be as this becomes more routine.
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