Skipping Town

I started off the day reading in my hammock while the kids slept in. Is there anything more relaxing? There is not. Greta joined me when she woke up. Unfortnately, as she began making her way down the slight rise that leads to our hammock area, she saw a snake. It slithered out of her path, but did not slither away entirely. Greta said it was small. To my surprise, neither of us freaked out and ran inside. Instead, we coexisted with the snake while we read. Lucia eventually joined us as well. We did not tell her about the snake. Later in the afternoon, the girls and I went to Books-A-Million since they each had a punchcard to turn in. I bought Greta two bargain books and Lucia one non-bargain book, and a bargain book for myself.  The temperature seemed to double by the time we got home, so the girls went into the pond and I sat in a chair BY the pond. They played on the dock, their usual splashy game, and there was no sign of the snapping turtle. Once Andrew was done working, we sa...

It was a brutally hot day. I had a busy day of work, and trying to focus while literally melting in the upstairs bedroom was miserable. We (I) were very worried about Nutmeg, since the girls' bedroom is the hottest during the day. Rabbits should never be in an environment hotter than 75 degrees, and it was easily a hundred degrees in the bedroom. So we relocated her to a much cooler downstairs bedroom for the day. While Andrew and I worked all day, the kids read and played in the pond. Things got a little out of hand in a way that remains unclear, but it appears Greta pushed Lucia off the dock (a standard part of this activity) and Lucia scraped her shin somehow. It's all fun and games etc etc. I was so swelteringly hot after I finished working that I decided it was time for my once-a-decade dip in the pond. Greta and Andrew came with me for moral support, and also for physical support, since my abs are still so weak/nonexistent that I was concerned I wouldn't be able to ho...

We're having a heat wave here in NH, and it was sweltering. I'd taken today off work, so I had the whole day free. While the kids slept in, I read in my hammock for a long time.  After lunch, we went to the pond. I floated around on an inflatable boat, and the kids played as they always do on the floating dock, with the whole crowd of inflatables. Their game (?) this time, from what I could make out as I drifted around, involved pushing each other off the dock or encouraging each other to jump off, thrashing in the water and scrambling to get onto an inflatable, then screaming "BIG BACK!" at each other in a highest-volume call-and-response. Indeed, the phrase "big back" seemed to be the only thing they said to each other, and it was used as noun, verb, name, exclamation, expletive, and adjective. They were wildly hysterical. Even though I was only marginally paying attention to them, now and then their insanity would reach me and I would snicker as I floated...

River rafting day. It was a perfect day for it--very hot and sunny. We booked the 12:00 slot and a 3:30 table at Harpoon, with the idea that we'd take the full three-hour allotment to do our float. It was a lovely day. We rowed to our favorite rocky outcropping and pulled the raft ashore for a long spell of swimming, floating, rock skipping, and relaxing. I floated in the river in my life jacket for a long time, tnen lay down on the rocks at the water's edge with my life jacket as a pillow, the water flowing around me. It was the most relaxed I've felt in ages. We had some snacks and then set off again. Swimming at this particular area is my favorite part of our rafting experience each year. The current moved us at a good clip, but there was still a lot of rowing, with Greta shouting insturctions to us in the language of her crew team and getting mad when we didn't understand, and Lucia adamently insisting she didn't have to row because that would push us in the wro...

This morning we headed to Books-A-Million for our first visit of the summer. Shopping here is as much a tradition here as reading in hammocks and hanging out in the pond. I bought the kids two books each from the bargain books area. Then we went to the comic book store, where they always pick out a Funko Pop. Lucia was ecstatic to find a character from Yellowjackets, which apparently is sold out everywhere. Greta was torn between a couple of characters from Supernatural and Shadow and Bone, so she decided to wait and figure out which one she wanted most. We'll go back soon. Then we picked up some groceries and a few things from Wal-Mart, including window fans to help us get through the next few days of ninety-plus temperatures. We had lunch back at home and then headed to the pond. Andrew hung the rope across the pond, the final piece of our summer preparation. Then we all engaged with the pond according to our own comfort level. The kids jumped off the floating dock onto inflatabl...

Andrew and I both had to work today. The kids slept late. At lunchtime, we put up the hammocks in the woods. Lucia worked on diamond art; Greta finished a book. She loved the book so much that she said, "If I could carve open my heart and put the pages inside, I would." After work, I read in a hammock for a while and went for a walk. Andrew and Lucia went for a run. Andrew grilled burgers for dinner, I threw Farrah some toys to chase in the yard, and then we sat around the fire pit. A quiet, nice New Hampshire day. It was very windy and cool, so no pond swimming took place. Andrew mentioned to Greta today his plan to excavate an old ping-pong table from the barn, a plan that none of us approve of. This isn't a place for ping-pong. As Greta put it: "This is a place to reconnect with yourself and with nature. It's not a place for modern games ." It's hard to convey the withering disdain Greta managed to convey in those words.  Final note: On Thursday, some...

We're here! We loaded up the car this morning with the jetlagged kids and the pets and drove ten hours to NH. It wasn't a bad drive. The kids watched shows and slept. Andrew and I traded driving shifts and listened to Scam Inc, a podcast from The Economist. We stopped at Sheetz. Nutmeg glowered at us from her cage. We arrived around five, and after we unpacked the car we went into town to pick up groceries and pizza from Pizza Chef. Back at the house, the kids decided to go into the pond before eating dinner; they're wasting no time. Andrew and I inflated a bunch of the inflatables, and Andrew hung up the swing in the back yard. Tomorrow we'll hang the hammocks and put up the pond rope, and we'll be ready for our stay. We are all excited to dive into our carefully chosen book stacks and will, of course, add to them at Books-A-Million. When we left last year, we never could have predicted what the year ahead would bring. I'm so glad to be back, even more than oth...

We ended up staying at the airport until 2:30am last night. The kids were delayed out of JFK, and when they finally arrived in Pittsburgh, there was a problem with the jet bridge, and they were stuck on the plane for almost an hour. We didn't get home until 3:00am. Needless to say, we are all varying degrees of zombie today. But the kids had an amazing trip. I'm very glad they're home. They even brought gifts: magnets for Andrew (which he'd requested) and a flamenco dancer figurine; a hat (my request) and a beautiful pair of pomegranate earrings from the Alhambra gift shop. Delightful. After working today, we got packed up for New Hampshire. The kids unpacked their suitcases, did their laundry, and then repacked. Andrew loaded the car at 10pm. The pets are on edge, certain we're leaving them; Farrah hid in the attic, under the guest bed, all day. They'll be happy when we load them into the car along with us tomorrow. (Well, Nutmeg won't be very happy since s...

My scan was clear!! The results came in this afternoon, and I went into a quiet hallway at work to read them. I actually thought I might black out from anxiety (scanxiety). But the words were right there: "no evidence of metastatic disease" and "no tumors." Let the summer of recovery begin. Or, as Vinyard Vines called it in a promotional email to Andrew a few weeks ago, "the summer of Margo." They were referring to the name of a dress style (which now hangs in my closet), but I've adopted the theme.  It was another very busy day of work, which was fine while I needed distraction from test-results dread, but now I'm ready for a break. We leave for New Hampshire on Thursday, and I have never been so excited for the quiet and distance and isolation. I need a reset. I need a gravel road to walk on and a hammock in the woods to read in. I'll work four days while I'm there, two each week, but the rest of the time is mine.  The kids get back tonig...

Started off the day with a CT scan. Unlike last time, when it took several people four tries to get my IV in, this time I told the young nurse tech to please find the very best IV person they had because, as she termed it, I'm "a hard stick." She said she could try to get it in, and if she had a problem she could get the good-at-IVs nurse, and I said it was probably just a better idea to skip all the trying and get the other nurse from the get-go. (I was tactful. But there was no way I was going to let myself be a pincushion again.) It took the nurse that came over just one try, thank goodness, but it hurt like crazy and I nearly blacked out and had to be led to a gurney to lie down. Good times. Good times.  Now I have to wait for the results. Fortunately, today was an insane day of work, and I didn't stop between the time I got home from the scan until 8:30pm. I went into the office at 6:45pm to do a webinar from my office. I'm exhausted, but at least I didn'...

Thursday, June 12 Andrew's birthday! He had the day off from work, and I worked from home, so at lunchtime we went up to the pool for lunch and a swim. I rejoined him after I was done working for more swimming and reading. Later, we went downtown for dinner at Barcelona with some friends. It was a nice day of birthday activities. Friday, June 13 A very busy day of working. Andrew's uncle and brother-in-law flew in for the weekend since there's a big golf tournament happening in a nearby town, so I took myself up to the pool for the early evening. Sadly, I had to leave sooner than I wished because of rain. Saturday, June 14 With Andrew immersed in golf all weekend, Farrah and I drove to Connellsville. Mom and Dad and I went out to lunch at the River's Edge and sat at a table overlooking the river. Then we went to Gabe's, Ollies, and Target. In the evening, we watched Echo Valley. It was a very full and fun Connellsville day. Sunday, June 15 We celebrated Father's...

It is still so weird and quiet here, but the kids appear to be having a fantastic trip. The chaperones send pictures throughout the day, and Lucia and Greta occasionally text us (today it was to ask for more money). They're still in Madrid; today they were at the Prado. The photos show happy, smiling travelers. It seems like a nice group of kids.  Andrew and I worked all day and then went up to the pool for a bit. Then we went out to a delicious dinner at Fish Nor Fowl. My favorite kind of dinner--lots of snacky things, plus mussels. It was a great meal.  (I would have liked a cocktail. Instead, I had a mocktail. These things are not the same. But alcohol just seems like poisoning my already poisoned body, and I still can't bring myself to drink anything at all. Maybe in a few weeks/months I'll feel differently, but maybe not.)  Nutmeg is reacting negatively to Greta's absence and won't let me pet her, even though she's been following me around. Tonight she foll...

Monday, June 9 We drove the kids to the airport this morning for their flight to Spain. When it was time for them to go through security, we said goodbye. Andrew cried when they walked away. We all cope in our own ways! For example, I forced Greta to move items from a pouch she chose to a much better, more organized pouch this morning. Now they're gone, first a long layover in Chicago and then on to Madrid.  The house is extremely weird and quiet. Andrew and I made dinner at home and watched Mountainhead. The girls didn't text us to tell us if they were sitting together on the plane. I'll feel better when they've arrived in Spain.  Tuesday, June 10 Lucia, forgetting the time difference, called me at 3:00 a.m. to tell me that they were in Spain, but that a bunch of kids, including her, had had to gate-check their bags and the bags were now missing. An hour later, she texted that the bags were all found--they'd been routed to the wrong baggage carousel. She also sent ...

A very rainy day didn't stop us from going to some yard sales this morning in Highland Park. Mom and Dad came with us too. We found a few things: some Christmas dishware (Mom and I), a huge candle (Greta), some books, some jewelry (Lucia), etc. But the best (?) find of the day was for the kids: more haunted dolls.  We were driving around Highland Park and turned onto a street we recognized as having been the spot where they got their haunted dolls last year. The same house was having a sale, and when we went onto the porch, there were three dolls--probably the ones that were left in the box last year after the girls selected theirs. They each selected one doll, for $1 each. When Lucia went to pay the owner, she told Lucia she could just take all three dolls. Then she said she remembered L&G from last year and rwas hoping they would come back and that her husband's grandmother would be very happy. I told the woman we were going to let her know if we "had any trouble...

Lucia had her training this morning for her camp counselor job, then went to a friend's house for the afternoon. Andrew and I took Greta shopping for a new travel bag and sports bag, which we found at Marshall's. Once we all got home, the girls began their packing--they leave on Monday for their trip to Spain. They're packing light, with one small suitcase and backpack each, but ten days is a long time to organize for. They're almost done. Tonight we all went to the club for dinner and music bingo. The girls swam.  Tomorrow we'll finish packing and preparing and then the kids will be on their way!

The kids are transitioning to summer mode. On Thursday they slept in then spent the day in a variety of activities: Lucia went for a run, made s'mores bars, and did some diamond painting; Greta read, did her laundry, and sat beside Lucia while she did her diamond painting (I think they were watching a show on Lucia's laptop). Later, we watched some This Is Us. Today, Lucia went for a run and ended at Dunkin' Donuts, where she met up with a friend and then hung out at Riverstone Books. They found a Taylor Swift lyric-analysis book, and called Greta to join them at the bookstore; Greta walked down and they all hung out there for a while. Meanwhile, during a break between meetings, I called all over the house for Greta; I had no idea she'd left. I'd actually had no idea Lucia had tacked a run onto her plan to meet her friend, until she told me later. Once they got home, they both did some diamond painting. They're planning to bring diamond painting supplies to NH t...

Monday and Tuesday have blurred together. The kids were still completing assignments so it felt like a regular couple of days. Today, Wednesday, was finally the last day of school--last day of ninth and seventh grade. I almost forgot to take a porch picture this morning--Greta reminded me as we were pulling out of the driveway, so I made Andrew park the car so we could get out and take the pics.  Andrew and I had been invited by the school to the middle school Moving Up Day ceremony, even though only eighth-grade parents attend, because Greta was receiving an award. We were so excited when her name was announced for the seventh-grade award, honoring the seventh grader who best embodies the school's motto: "Gentle in spirit, strong in deed." The faculty selects a student each year for this award. Well deserved, I think. After the ceremony, Greta went to Kennywood for the rest of the day with some friends. After the Upper School half-day concluded, Lucia walked to Walnut St...

My obsession with Lost over the past few months inspired an essay, which was published today in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Excited to share it with you.  (Subscribers can find it here : https://www.post-gazette.com/opinion/insight/2025/06/01/cancer-lost-tv-diagnosis-treatment/stories/202506010035)

Maycember is putting my daily blogging to the test. Just a few more days till the end of the school year. On Wednesday I went out to dinner with a bunch of college friends, all of whom were miraculously available to meet up. Andrew couldn't come since he had to take Lucia to tutoring, but it was a great reunion. Thursday was WT's commencement, and Andrew and I went to see the Clark twins graduate. It was fun getting a sneak peek of where we'll be in three years.  And today we got the estimate for our kitchen project, and all I'll say about that is there is no longer a kitchen project. At least, not in the way we'd thought. We're now moving ahead on our own to figure out a less insane way to do this reno. Time to bring this project back down to earth.

Monday was a nice Memorial Day, if a bit chilly. I got up early and went outside to weed for a couple of hours, listening to an audio book. Andrew and I went to Home Depot to get some mulch and flowers. The kids did a little homework. Andrew played tennis with the Clarks. Then we all met at the club for the Memorial Day picnic. Greta jumped in the pool. I wore a new wide-brimmed hat from Anthropologie to the picnic. I'm going to need a new storage solution for my growing hat collection. Tuesday was back to work, though I was able to work from home. I took Lucia to get a TB test (a required paperwork thing for her upcoming summer employment by the school). There was homework and piano practicing. School ends one week from tomorrow.

Molly and Luca's brief visit continued with a fun day in Connellsville. The girls and I (and Farrah) drove down around lunchtime, and we helped Mom make fresh pasta for our lunch. The kids made a movie trailer, we played a new version of Guess Who? (Does your person like going to Medieval Times? Does your person have a complicated Starbucks order? Does your person drive a Range Rover?), and Molly and I took all three dogs for a walk. A perfect pre-Memorial-Day afternoon. When the girls and I got home, Lucia decided to make some frozen chocolate-dipped fruit and got out the double boiler to melt some chocolate. Then we watched three episodes of This Is Us. There was some hilarity when Lucia attempted to help me clean up the kitchen and instead made the mess worse as she tried to wash the double boiler. 

We've settled back into regular life post-Houston. Our Volvo has been repaired and has returned home. Greta had her seventh-grade overnight trip to Gettysburg. Andrew left yesterday for a family event in Florida. The girls and I watched the documentary Getting Lost , about the making of Lost . After a montage showcasing all the Lost -related tattoos fans have gotten over the years, the kids debated where they would get their own Lost tattoos one day, and whether it would be the Dharma Initiative logo or the series of numbers needed to save the world. I personally would lean toward the numbers.  Today (Saturday) Molly and Luca drove to PA for a visit, and they plus Mom and Dad all came over in the afternoon to hang out and have dinner. Farrah was less than pleased that Molly's dogs had invaded her home and yard and is now passed out on my bed, exhausted from the trauma of being forced to bark at them relentlessly.  After everyone left, the kids and I watched two episodes of Th...

We've had an affirming and very positive experience here at MD Anderson this week. Yesterday, we met with Dr. Gershenson's nurse, Kimberly, who reviewed my medical history, as well as Dr. Gershenson, who came in to do a pelvic exam. We scheduled a follow-up visit for Tuesday, where he said we could bring all our questions. We chatted with Kimberly afterward, who said she's been working with Dr. Gershenson for twenty-one years and told us how much things had changed in the world of LGSOC; she said this is a cancer that can be cured--the first time we'd ever heard this word connected to LGSOC.  Today, we met with Dr. Gershenson for a video visit. He gave his summary of where he felt I was based on the results of my surgery, chemo, and now maintenance treatment, and he, too, was very positive about prognosis for many reasons, including the success of my surgery and my age at diagnosis (weirdly, women diagnosed younger than 35 fare worse with LGSOC). When we asked him to ta...

It's been a nice weekend after what felt like a very long week. Friday night we had the Clarks over for dinner. It was a beautiful night, and we sat outside on the deck. The kids, forced into togetherness as usual, played Uno No Mercy and of course ping pong. Lucia was at a friend's house for part of the evening but eventually returned home. Late Friday night, I woke up and went into the bathroom, where in my half-asleep state I spotted a dark object by the bathtub. Closer inspection revealed the object to be Nutmeg, who had somehow slipped out of Greta's room and was asleep in our bathroom in a cute little loaf. It was an extremely windy night, so the pets were ill at ease; Farrah was huddled in our closet, behind my hanging dresses. I eventually got Nutmeg to follow me back to Greta's room. Saturday, I woke the kids up early so we could go to the first neighborhood yard sale of the year, in Regent Square. We didn't find much, but the kids each found some clothes; ...

My CA-125 has decreased again, down about 9 points to 53.7! That's a relief. Twenty more points and I'll be in "normal" range, though the goal is single digits. Some people never get there and stabilize at a higher number. But my fingers are crossed that I will keep decreasing. Tonight was the kids' chorus concert. Mom and Dad drove in as well. One more thing to check off the calendar as we swiftly approach the end of the school year.  We had no water for most of today--there was a water main break and we lost water at 7am. It didn't come back until 5pm. Good thing we were at school and work all day. No water is much more disruptive than no electricity.

I have the letrozole. I'm going to take my pill in the morning so I won't take the first dose until tomorrow. I'm anxious to begin this hormone-blocking. My overall lab numbers were low as usual; still waiting for them to rise now that I'll pass this three-week mark without chemo knocking me down. I'll get the CA-125 results tomorrow. It was very nice going into the cancer center today only for blood work and a short appointment and then leaving, rather than the all-day poisoning of the past eighteen weeks.  After my appointment this morning, I went to work, then picked up my prescription, and then took Greta to piano. Andrew took Lucia to the earlier lesson and then to tutoring. We are all ready for the slower pace of summer.

Went into the office for most of the day and came home early enough so I could go pick up the kids. They're both feeling better today.  Tomorrow I have my appointment with the PA and the study coordinator, and I will finally start taking letrozole. This is technically called "cycle 7," but I'm not sure why. Of course I'm anxious about the labs and CA-125 test I'll have tomorrow morning. Is my immune system starting to recover? Will my number continue to decrease? All unknowns, for now.  It's going to be an intense run of medical info over the next week, with the appointment tomorrow, then starting the medication, then waiting for the CA-125 results, and then flying to Houston for my appointment at MD Anderson on Monday. 

Our rented car has become a source of friction with the kids. It's a white Range Rover SUV. Fine. I don't love it, but I'm generally pretty agnostic when it comes to cars, with the exception of truly hideous and offensive cars like the Cyber Truck. Unfortunately, the kids think this Range Rover looks like a Cyber Truck (it doesn't, at all) and they vehemently detest it. They know we would never in ten million years buy anything like that, for all the reasons, but their hatred prevails. I have to admit the car does feel a little uncharacteristic, to put it politely, especially since it has a Tennessee license plate. This morning, Lucia demanded she be dropped off a block from school so no one would see her pull up in this car.  Lucia came home after lunch today, feeling nauseous and with bad allergies. Greta called after school for me to pick her up, not able to go to crew because she felt nauseous and had allergies. There's something in the spring air that has reall...

Had a lovely Mother's Day. Greta made blueberry muffins this morning, and Andrew gave me a few new hats since this summer I will officially be a Hat Person. Then we drove to Connellsville for the afternoon to be with Mom and Dad. Andrew and the girls went for a run on the trail, while Mom, Farrah, and I walked. We played Uno No Mercy, Andrew mowed the lawn, and we had shells for lunch. Dessert was a lemon cake Andrew had made and brought. We exchanged gifts. It was a perfect spring day. My hat of choice for the day: my lavender Books Are Magic hat from NYC.  I realize I forgot to write about Phipps's May Market on Friday--Mom and Dad picked me up first thing in the morning and we got to stroll around the market for a while. I got some lily bulbs, as well as a cute ceramic pitcher and a little deer ornament at the shop's sale. We saw a vendor selling adorable crocheted hanging plants. When I got home, I immediately purchased a pattern on Etsy and have made two hanging string...

Thursday, May 8 Tonight was a meeting about the kids' Spain trip. They're getting excited and I'm excited for them and also nervous about them traveling alone.  We did not manage to have dinner tonight. We got back late from the meeting and then just...didn't get it together. I had a bowl of cereal and the kids made a weak effort at heating up a scant amount of leftovers. I still find myself getting just incredibly tired by the end of the day. It's only been two and a half weeks since my final treatment, and I know I need to just be patient, but still. I feel fine and energetic until around 8pm, and at that point I can barely even muster up enough energy to refill Nutmeg's water bowl. It's like a switch flips and I'm just...done. Friday, May 9 Andrew was supposed to get home tonight in the early evening because he'd booked a flight through Newark. Clearly, he hadn't been reading any news this week. When I told him on the phone that flying through...

I went into the office today but left early so I could pick up Greta. Lucia ran with the track team. After I picked her up, we stopped to fill the car with gas, and then it took us almost forty minutes to get home--lots of roads were closed (road work, not storm-related), and every road we turned onto was a parking lot. We'd planned to have dinner before going to Lucia's tutoring session, but by the time we got home there wasn't time to finish cooking.  We ate at 8. Greta and I took Farrah for a walk.  Tonight Lucia and I will fill out some paperwork for her summer job. She got the camp counselor job she applied for and is very very excited to be assisting with two weeks of summer camp at school in July. It's a perfect first job for her, and it gives a nice shape to the summer. I have always guarded our summers, protecting the kids' absolute freedom, but now that the kids are teenagers and at risk of just staying in their rooms all day while Andrew and I are at work...

The morning was a little chaotic because the cleaners were coming in the afternoon and Greta and I had to get Nutmeg upstairs to the attic. Our method is to get her into her crate and then carry the crate upstairs; both of us are too scared to try to just carry her upstairs, since she could easily wriggle free and get hurt. Of course, picking up Nutmeg is always an adventure. Greta is excellent at scooping her up--unless Nutmeg figures out what's happening. Then she runs under various pieces of furniture and makes herself impossible to find. But Greta eventually prevailed. I worked from home again, which meant I spent the day with both pets running around the attic and hanging out in my office. I love that. After school, Greta went to crew. Lucia came home after school then went for a run by herself, ending at Ebisu, where she picked up her favorite snack, a bottle of peach soda and a package of Pocky. I made chicken paprikash for dinner and everyone ate it, even enjoyed it, which ...

I worked from home today with all the power and wifi. Bliss. There was a good bit of running around in the afternoon: Lucia forgot her sneakers so I had to bring those to her after school; then I picked her up after she ran with the track team; then I picked Greta up after crew.  Contrary to our usual no-TV-during-the-week rhythm, the girls and I watched two episodes of Lost while we ate dinner. (Andrew's not here, so there was no one to stop us.) I was annoyed that an entire episode was devoted to still more people we'd never seen before--it's much, much too late in the series for new characters, even for the purpose of explaining...something. Do we understand the importance of this episode's revelations? What were the revelations, exactly? Was this an extended Cain and Abel metaphor, or good vs. evil, or something else? It's literally impossible to know, or, frankly, to care. Forget these new characters. Get us back to Sayid, Jack, Sawyer, Hugo, and Kate! Get us b...

We enjoyed a full day of having power. We made coffee and breakfast, went grocery shopping, and put things into a cold refrigerator. Mom and Dad came over in the afternoon so Dad could provide some math assistance for both kids, and then we all headed out to the girls' spring piano recital. They each played two songs plus a duet and did beautifully. Afterward, we went out for dinner at Pastoli's. Andrew left from there in an Uber to the airport for his trip to Spain. After Mom and Dad left, the kids and I watched two episodes of Lost. We have only three episodes left of the final season. I have a lot of thoughts PLUS I bought an entire book of essays published in honor of the twentieth anniversary to augment those thoughts. I can't wait to make talking about Lost my entire personality. 

We were hopeful about the power today, since the Duquene Light trucks were on our street for much of the day. But we still had to spend most of the day power-less. Andrew and Lucia went for a run in the morning and stopped at Five Points to get cardamom buns to bring home. We made coffee.  The kids spent most of the day coloring in their Coco Wye "Girl Moments" coloring books, having hurtled back to a time without wi-fi and electricity. "It's just like New Hampshire," Lucia said happily, which isn't accurate at all since we have both wi-fi and electricity in NH, and if we lost electricity we'd have to leave since it would be absolutely terrifying to be there. But I understood what she was saying: it felt like an excuse to just do fun analog things and pretend the outside world didn't exist.  We had bagels for lunch. Andrew and I worked on switching our winter clothes from our closet to the bureaus, and putting our summer clothes in our closet, while ...

Still no power. I was particularly resentful about this today, since I had to go into the office for a full day instead of working from home, which I always do on Friday. Andrew went into work too, but of course he had to leave early because he had our only car and had to pick up Greta at three. Lucia went to a friend's house for a couple of hours. When we were all back home, we decided to go out to dinner at Mad Mex, which was fun. Then we bought some ice at the grocery store to put into our cooler, as well as some half and half, cream cheese, and butter so we could at least manage breakfast.  Back home, we turned on the generator for a bit then returned to darkness. 

We still have no power. However, the generator guy did come to the house today and got the generator up and running. It's not a perfect fix--it can't be run constantly, and has to be turned off and on outside--but it's helpful. Occasional power is a step up from no power. It was too late to be helpful at all to our food, however, and tonight Andrew and I had to pitch everything in the fridge and freezer. We haven't yet gotten to the basement freezer. It was an awful feeling to throw away what had been perfectly good food, but it had to be done. A kind neighbor brought over dinner for us tonight, and then we went to school for Greta's seventh-grade poetry slam. We turned the generator on for a little while so we could get ready for bed with some lights on. The kids seem to be enjoying (to some extent) the campout feeling of living with flashlights and lanterns; both have taken to coloring in their rooms, with only a lantern lighting their work.  There is still no est...

Yesterday, a huge storm/tornado came through Pittsburgh and knocked power out all across the city. We've been without power ever since. It has not been convenient. The kids had a two-hour delay today. I found one place in town open for coffee and bagels. I took the kids to school then went to work. Andrew drove the Volvo to the dealership in Greensburg for some repairs. I picked the kids up at three and took them to their piano lessons at a nearby church, since the teacher also had no power. Andrew made his way back from Greensburg in an Uber because our Volvo is beyond repair. We barely have enough propane to grill anything. All of fridge food needs to be thrown away.  All four of us are now at the library to charge our devices. There is no end in sight to this outage. We do have a generator, but we've never gotten it working; Andrew called a service person today and hopefully he'll come out to repair it. In the meantime, we're living in darkness broken by a rechargeab...

Thankfully, I'm feeling a little better today. I worked from home and didn't feel quite so dishrag-like. I'll take the improvement and trust it will continue in the days ahead. Andrew and I are all booked for our trip to MD Anderson in May. I booked our hotel today. Andrew booked our flights. As my treatment shifts now to maintenance, it will be nice to have this appointment to affirm I'm doing the exact right thing.  Both kids were home at three today--their hasn't happened for weeks and weeks.  Off to have my second slice of chocolate cake today. 

This sixth and final chemo has taken me down in a way the previous five did not. I'm extremely tired and listless and spent the day either on the couch or in bed, with a break to attend Lucia's final performance of Chicago in the afternoon. Food tastes terrible, with the exception of a chocolate cake Greta made today--I may just eat the entire thing tomorrow since it's the only thing that appeals. Very very ready to move past this cycle but it doesn't seem to want to let go quite yet. Coming back from this one might take a little longer than the others. I'm trying to be patient, and to rest. It's irritating that I can't just shake it off and move on. 

I'm connecting these days together since they've all had a single focus: opening night, and the subsequent performances, of the Upper School musical, Chicago, in which Lucia is a member of the ensemble. She has been rehearsing for months, balancing late nights with schoolwork and piano practicing, and finally, on Thursday, the show was ready for the world to see. And it has been spectacular! Lucia has been thrilled with the performances. All those late nights were worthwhile. Mom and Dad came on Friday. One more show tomorrow, and then Chicago is a wrap. She'll miss it. I'm hanging in there from chemo #6, very very very tired, with some leg pain this time. I feel simultaneously blah and resolute, knowing that, this time, as my symptoms lessen, I won't be facing them again in three short weeks. That's huge. I'm ready to recover from these eighteen weeks of poison. I'm ready to not feel shaky as I type in the morning, to not hate the taste of everything ex...

Originally drafted on November 12, 2024, and finished on January 9, 2025. [Note to readers, April 24, 2025: I feel compelled to emphasize here that my chemo treatments are done, and my last CT scan in March was clear. The doom of this post, written when I was still stunned and expecting the worst, has given way to positivity and every reason to be hopeful. I debated posting this horrific account, but I’ve always been a dedicated personal archivist. This account will always be a viscerally upsetting part of my story, no matter how the story evolves.] The Story of My Diagnosis: A Portal Opens, and a New Journey Begins Sunday, November 10, 2024, was a magical day. The weather outside was perfect Pittsburgh fall: gusty rain, gloom, wind, and darkness. The girls and I were on our own--Andrew was en route to Peru for work--and after running a few errands, we settled at home for the day. We played two rounds of Unstable Unicorns--our ongoing competition for a chicken statue, which Lucia wins...

Final chemo day! I actually dreaded this one more than the others, despite my happiness that it was the last one. The anticipation of the steps I know all too well got to me this morning--the retest for neutrophils (sp) and waiting to see if chemo could move forward; the inevitable struggle to insert an IV; the twitchy awful feeling of the steroids and taxol; the long wait for the CA-125 results; the tiredness and toxicity to follow.  But! I did it. My assigned chemo nurse asked a different nurse to do the IV, and she got it in with just one try--and I barely felt it. My neutrophil (sp) retest came back with normal results, so chemo could move forward. The steroids and taxol made me extremely restless, twitchy, and anxious--it's a really awful feeling--and I tried to just do some deep, counted breathing and focus on watching Hacks. That feeling lasted for about an hour and then went away. The ice mittens and booties were unbearable as always; no way around that.  I didn't get ...

The day began with the usual pre-chemo bloodwork. I've reached the point in this journey where I have a preferred phlebotomist--the only one who doesn't have to try multiple times (shudder). I requested him this time rather than leave it to chance. My ABS neutrophils (neutrophils? I can never remember) are low again, but I never received a phone call about a retest. So we'll see what tomorrow brings. I'm guessing I'll get there, be told to go upstairs for a retest, and then proceed as I have the last two cycles.  I went into work for half a day then worked from home in the afternoon. After work, Andrew and I met up with our kitchen designer at an appliance store and began selecting our kitchen appliances. I'd be very happy just replicating the exact choices from our Maplewood kitchen; we don't need a $16,000 Sub-Zero fridge. At one point in the store, Andrew was trying to convince me we should consider an eight-burner range. (We are not getting an eight-burn...

I worked from home today and took a long walk with a friend at lunchtime. Farrah came too, and both she and I were exhausted for the rest of the day. With the final chemo so close, I am feeling more ready than ever to move on and rebuild my strength and stamina.  Greta had crew till 6:30. Lucia had musical rehearsal till 9:30--it's tech week--and is very excited for opening night on Thursday. I was in bed when she got home but managed to rally for the five minutes it took me to collect some things she needs--makeup, curling iron, stockings--for her costume.  Labs tomorrow. The usual anxiety over the CA-125. How far will my "complete neutrophils" fall this time?

Happy Easter! We got an early start with 8:00 Mass at St. Rita's. I was the only person wearing a mask in the church, but I absolutely cannot get sick this week and derail my final chemo. So be it. We took some pictures outside the church afterward. Back home, we gave the girls their Easter baskets: candy, mini Squishmallow figurines, an Easter Unicorno, a spring Miniverse blind box, a Coco Wye coloring book and pattern-drawing book, Uno No Mercy and Dutch Blitz, a pastel Trader Joe's tote, and a set of tiny Easter chicks (like the Target birds but babies in an egg carton). All very cute and well-received. Then Andrew and I went outside to hide eggs for the egg hunt. This was a risk. Some of you longtime readers will remember the infamous Slug Easter of 2018 . We haven't hidden eggs outside in Connellsville since then. But the grass was dry this morning, and we decided to tempt fate. (Spoiler alert: there were no slugs.) The girls may be teenagers, but they were still excit...

Andrew, Greta, and I spent Saturday morning at Washington's Landing to watch the Steel City crew team compete in the Rust Belt Grand Prix. Greta wanted to see some of her friends who were racing. It was a lot of fun to see an actual race and to see what Greta spends so much time doing after school. Once she gets a little more experience she'll be able to do a race herself. Once we got home, Andrew baked a carrot cake, and then we got the car loaded up (including Nutmeg) and drove to Connellsville for the weekend. We ordered pizzas from Bud Murphy's for dinner, and then watched La La Land. 

Andrew has returned! We're all happy, but Farrah is the happiest. She hasn't left his side since he made his appearance on the porch, where Farrah and I were sitting in the afternoon.  The kids did not have school today. Lucia had musical rehearsal for a few hours, and Greta went to a birthday party. I worked from home and then read.  We'll be heading to Connellsville tomorrow afternoon for Easter weekend. 

This week has seemed interminable. I went into work today but did my final meeting at home so Mom, Dad, and I could go to Phipps right at four to see the spring flower show. It closes on Sunday, so this was our last chance to see it. Beautiful as always. Afterward, we went outside to Phipps's bulb sale and all bought some bulbs. I got some hyacinths and narcissus.  Greta walked home from school. Poor Greta wasn't able to eat lunch today because she couldn't open her new stainless-steel lunch container. She was working on a science project by herself in a classroom, so there was no one to help her. The Amazon reviews all talked about this problem, but we'd attempted opening it in the morning ourselves with no problem; but the hot food formed a kind of vacuum.  Lucia had musical and then went running. Mom cooked dinner, did all the dishes, and practiced piano with the girls. Dad gave me a family history written by a great-aunt, with stories from the depression and beyond,...

I went in to the office until lunchtime today then worked from home the rest of the day. The kids had activities (musical and crew) until 6:30, so I watched some Gilmore Girls and made dinner then picked them up. Lucia went for a run when she got home. Tonight, Lucia and I took Farrah for a walk. I did five million dishes. Now I'm going to help Greta proofread an essay.  Andrew, in a spare moment when he wasn't on a farm in Brazil, wearing steel (?) shin guards to protect him from getting bitten by cobras, which are everywhere in the fields, hired a mason to repair/rebuild our retaining wall. Hopefully this project will get underway soon. 

Went in to work for the day, came home and watched Gilmore Girls, picked up the kids. The weather was a range of spring and winter today; unfortunately I got caught in the winter-rain portion of the day when I was waiting for the bus to go home, and then walking home. Even I, a lover of winter and cold weather, am ready for a little spring. Not summer! I'm dreading the heat (wigs + hot flashes = misery). But spring would be nice.  I'm feeling good, finishing up week two, but I do notice I'm more tired in the evening and I feel just weaker in general. At least I'm back to my normal weight and not skeleton-thin. I'm looking forward to post-chemo physical therapy and maybe even starting to run again (a little) this summer. Among many other horrors and ironies, I was in pretty excellent shape before my diagnosis, regularly running two miles and taking a weekly tennis tennis lesson. I know it'll be a while but I'm eager to feel that strong again! One more to go. ...

Worked from home. Picked Greta up at three. Picked Lucia up after musical at 6:30. Everyone did homework and practiced piano. I took Farrah for a walk. Just an ordinary day! And also I'm exhausted. Heading up to read for a while and go to sleep. 

The girls and I started the day with a trip to Tous Les Jours for pastries. It's very pleasant to make these little trips; the girls are chatty and funny, the pastries are delicious, and it's a nice weekend tradition. It was a lovely spring day today so I ran a few errands, played with Farrah in the backyard, read on the porch, and did some crocheting.  We watched an episode of Lost while eating dinner. The lawless, maverick conman is now, somehow, in a timeline that is either past or future, a cop. The lawless, maverick conman is simultaneously still on The Island, planning to commandeer a submarine.  Greta finally allowed Lucia to reorganize her dresser top. Lucia created a whole area dedicated to Fearless, neatly arranged all of Greta's Smiskis, and color-organized all of Greta's crystals.  Lucia, like Greta yesterday, spent much of today crying over Fearless. Last night, Farrah refused to jump down from Greta's bed at bedtime and slept there for much of the nigh...

A nice quiet Saturday. I went out this morning to get Easter candy and drop off a return. Greta and I played Othello. After lunch, the kids and I walked down to Ebisu to get a birthday present for one of Greta's friends. We then watched two episodes of Lost. Greta was in tears for part of the day after finishing Fearless. I cried after finishing Raising Hare. Lucia didn't cry at all but hasn't gotten very far in Fearless yet, so perhaps there will be tears from her tomorrow.  Beth brought over dinner for us. I couldn't convince the kids to watch more Lost after we ate because they had a new project to work on: Yesterday Lucia had the idea to order baseball-card albums to organize and preserve all their stickers, and they arrived in the evening; so they spent a lot of time doing that. Lucia also spent some time trying to convince Greta to let her organize her (Greta's) bookshelves and dresser top, but Greta could not be convinced. Organizing things and creating appea...

Today was conference day, so the kids didn't have school. We went in for conferences first thing in the morning. Both went well, of course. Greta has (as usual) straight A's and glowing writeups from her teachers. A project she worked on for weeks will be "an example for future classes." Lucia's doing very well too, all A's and two B's she is determined to bring up before the end of the semester. Among other things, we talked about credits in her conference--for some reason she's worried she'll accidentally not take enough credits and won't be able to graduate; her advisor reassured her that making sure she has all the right classes every year is literally her job and there is no way that would ever happen.  Lucia had musical rehearsal for a few hours, Greta hung out at home, and I worked from home. Later, we ordered dinner from How Lee and watched three episodes of Lost.  We have our first defecter: Greta says she has lost interested in this f...

It was so nice working from home today, cozy in the attic. Greta came home at regular time and Mom and Dad arrived shortly after. Greta and Dad worked on math until it was time for us to go to her piano lesson. Mom and Dad picked Lucia up after musical rehearsal and we all had dinner together here. I gave Mom and Dad the Snapfish photo book I made of our NYC trip, something I do after each of our spring break vacations. And now off to bed. Ready for a weekend of relaxing with the kids and watching Lost. 

This morning, gathered by the front door with the kids and Andrew, I was wearing a skirt and boots, with my coat and scarf on and my work bag over my shoulder, and Greta asked if I was working from home. The kids' powers of deduction are lacking when it comes to making guesses about my work plans. Today was the final busy day of this week; I'll be able to work from home tomorrow and Friday. I was in the middle of our event today, greeting students and talking to my boss, when Lucia called. Of course I answered, since a middle-of-the-school-day call is generally important, and she told me Greta had emailed her and told her to call me to tell me to buy her a newly released Taylor Swift cardigan that was going to sell out.  I relaxed with a Gilmore Girls when I got home, then picked up the kids at various times, then took Farrah for a walk, and now this Wednesday that feels like a Friday is over. I'm feeling almost totally back to normal now. Another cycle behind me.

Coming out of the tired spell, I think. I felt better today. Work wasn't as crazy, just preparations for another event tomorrow.  The kids were extremely excited about today because it was the release day of a novel they've been anxiously awaiting for months--Fearless by Lauren Roberts. They'd both pre-ordered it from Amazon, but when I checked this morning to see the delivery estimate, the books hadn't even shipped yet. That's the whole point of pre-ordering--the release day arrival! So I canceled those and ordered two copies from our local bookstore, Riverstone, then called later in the morning to make absolutely sure the order was going to be ready for pickup today. After I picked the kids up from musical and crew, I took them to the bookstore so they could run in and get their books. The store had gotten a bunch of merch from the publisher--stickers, activity sheets, crowns, pouches, sticky notes--and the bookseller gave them a ton of fun things. They were so ex...