Skipping Town

Back in the teeth of another cycle. Today wasn't actually too bad. I slept for several hours last night and made it through the workday. By five, I was ready to just lie down and watch Gilmore Girls, which I did. The kids went to piano with Andrew. We had chicken soup (in the freezer from Mom) for dinner. Definitely feeling a little weak and out of it, but not as much as after the last cycle, weirdly. I know I just need to get through the weekend and then I'll be back to normal.

Chemo day. I went in early to get my IV and have blood taken for the ABS neutrophil retest. It took the nurse two tries for the IV, which is worse than one but better than four. The number returned to normal range, so we could proceed with the appointment and chemo. My appointment today was with my surgeon, not the PA as it usually is. I was nervous to ask her to please interpret the results of my CT scan. She is a brilliant surgeon but she does NOT sugarcoat anything, so I knew she'd give the stark reality. I was so happy when she confirmed that the results were good! She even said she thinks the trace fluid noted in the results might just be scar tissue from the scraping she did on the diaphragm. So we can all be confidently happy with this scan. This is good news to hold onto, because my CA-125 results today were disappointing: six points higher than last time. I messaged the PA right away, and she discussed the results with the doctor and study coordinator, and they are not con...

Went into the office on Monday to get a lot of in-person stuff done since I'm going to be out of at home three days this week. Lucia had musical rehearsal, Greta had crew. Andrew and I took Farrah for a walk. Not too much to report for the day. Today, Tuesday, I went into the office again--things are busy because we have Graduate Student Appreciation Week next week, with several big events. This is a bad time to be out of commission but there's nothing I can do about it, so I just got as much done today as I could.  The day started off as the day before chemo always does--with blood work. My ABS neurophil (neutrophil? don't feel like checking to confirm spelling) number is low again, as it was last time, which means I have to get retested tomorrow morning to see if it's gone up. I really don't want this treatment to be delayed so let's hope it changes its mind and returns to normal tomorrow.  Definitely dreading the ordeal tomorrow. It's like this each time....

The kids and I went to Trader Joe's this morning then stopped in at Tous Les Jours for coffee buns. We reminisced about the Music Together class Lucia took as a baby in Park Slope (which she does not remember) and about the lockdown in March 2020 (which they do remember).  The rest of the day was restful: Greta worked on a school assignment; Lucia read; Andrew and Lucia went for a run; I read; the girls and I finished season 5 of Lost (shocking and upsetting); Andrew and I watched The White Lotus. It was strange and new not to have the looming CT scan results shadowing the day.  Tomorrow the regular routine resumes, with the kids' spring break finally over. It's not a regular week for me, sadly, with chemo #5 on Wednesday. Dreading it but ready to put it in the rearview.

My CT scan showed no evidence of cancer in chest or abdomen/pelvis! The results came in at 1:00 a.m. and I saw the notification when I woke up. I'm excited and relieved. I don't know if this means I'm in "NED" status, which means "no evidence of disease," ovarian cancer's version of remission; or if I have to finish chemo before reaching this status. I'll find out on Wednesday when I go in for my pre-chemo appointment. Many people with this low-grade form of ovarian cancer are NED for many years before having a recurrence, so please keep sending up all the good energy and prayers!  It was so nice not having the dread hanging over my head all day.  Mid-morning, Greta and I took Nutmeg to the vet for her annual check-up. This is a huge pain because her vet is in Bethel Park--it's not easy to find a vet to treat exotic pets, and yes, rabbits are considered exotics. She got her vaccine; got some bloodwork because, at almost six years old, she...

Tried to keep as busy as possible today to keep my mind off impending CT scan results. I worked from home, took a break for a Lunch n' Lost with the kids, and then took them shopping at Target for spring clothes later in the afternoon. Lucia tried on all her spring clothes yesterday and it was absolutely comical--she outgrew everything. Every last thing. She had a huge growth spurt over the past year. Greta had outgrown most of her things too, but mostly because she always insists on hanging onto things far longer than they actually fit. She just likes to keep them. They got a few things in NYC and a few things at Target. A good start. Beth and Nate came over for dinner, which finished off the day. I don't expect to get CT scan results until next week. The waiting is excruciating.

On Wednesday I went into the office until lunchtime then worked from home. The girls slept late. Lucia hung out with a friend in the afternoon. Later, the girls and I watched two episodes of Lost and then Andrew and I watched The White Lotus. I had to keep my mind totally distracted to keep from thinking about my CT scan the next day. Today, Thursday, was the scan--the midpoint scan that's part of the clinical study. Though the scan itself was fine, it took two nurses four attempts to get the IV in. It was horrendous. After the third try I thought I was going to pass out and had to lie down on a gurney. The fourth attempt was actually on the CT scan table--they tried to flush the IV and it hurt like crazy so they had to take it out and try once more. Awful awful. And what's even more awful is that I won't get the test results for several days.  If I'm not working or reading or watching TV, I start catastrophizing. I worked from home for the day. Tonight I made chili and...

Last day. After packing up and getting organized, we had breakfast at Tous Les Jours and tried a bunch of the pastries. All of us liked the coffee bun best except for Andrew. Greta had a cherry blossom latte.  We squeezed one final event into our last day in NYC. Our destination was one I planned, and one you wouldn't expect from someone who lived in or near NYC for almost two decades: FAO Schwartz at Rockefeller Center. Our destination wasn't the store itself; it was the Jellycat Diner. I'd learned about the existence of the Jellycat Diner from social media, where the wise algorithm placed videos and pictures in front of me enough times for me to finally pay attention and make a reservation. This is not actually a diner; this is just a specific area in the store where food-themed Jellycats are sold, and if you pay an extra fee you can "order" a specific "food" from the "menu" and aspiring / out-of-work actors behind a "counter" ...

Yesterday's gorgeous weather turned into rain for the entirety of today, which is unfortunate since today was the day I'd promised the kids some shopping in Soho. After breakfast at Bourke Street Bakery, we braved the rain and took the subway downtown. The kids both found some cute spring clothes as we shopped along, and Greta got some perfume. Dad bought a t-shirt at Uniqlo and Mom bought a trench coat at Muji. Andrew bought some notebooks at the MoMA Design Store. I bought a small dish with rabbits on it from Pearl River.  We had lunch at Joe's Shanghai, which has moved locations. This was a shock, even though they moved in 2019; I hadn't realized how long it had been since I was there. It could have been 2018. Fortunately Andrew had looked up the address on his phone as we walked, and discovered it was no longer on Pell St. Regardless of the weirdness of the new location, the soup dumplings were delicious. Dad also had some amazing crispy beef. And our hot tea was re...

Such a great day. We went to Ess-a-Bagel this morning, which was delicious of course, then got on the subway and headed to the Upper West Side. Our destination was the Grand Bazaar, a huge outdoor flea / vintage / handmade market. I used to go all the time when I lived in Morningside Heights and still have a pair of earrings I bought there. Lucia and Greta found some fun things to buy, including watch rings (both), and a small bottle and a necklace (Greta). The girls also shared a grape tanghulu (candied fruit on a stick), which they liked.  We stopped at Gray's Papaya before getting back on the subway, where Andrew, Lucia, and Greta had a pre-lunch hot dog. I would have killed for a Gray's Papaya hot dog but I'm pretty sure my post-chemo instructions had those on the "avoid" list? It's hard to remember what real things I've been instructed and what not-medically-verified things I've read online. Easy enough to avoid for now. We took the subway to Broo...

An incredibly full day in NYC. This morning, we took an Uber to Grand Central and had bagels for breakfast in the dining concourse. Then we took Metro North into the Bronx, to the New York Botanical Garden, to see the orchid show. It was spectacular. The theme was Mexican Modernism, and the orchids--thousands of them--were sometimes displayed against colorful walls painted purple, pink, and orange. The whole thing was amazing.  Then we hopped on a tram to get a brief tour of the rest of the garden, which was fun but also made us want to return when the flowers are in bloom. Although I went to the orchid show decades ago, when I spent a semester as an adjunct at Fordham, it's been long enough that I consider this visit today an entirely new activity. Another new activity followed, as we made our way to the Little Italy of the Bronx and walked along Arthur Avenue. We bought biscotti at Madonia Bakery, had pizza for lunch in the central market, then went to the Morrone Pastry Shop for...

A great NYC day. We had breakfast near the hotel at Bourke Street Bakery, delicious almond croissants and chocolate croissants. Then we took an Uber up to Times Square, where we stood outside the Nasdaq building at 43rd Street and watched Barbra and her family on the huge screen that covers the entire side of the building--Barbra and the CEO of her company rang the bell at the Nasdaq! We also waved to them through the windows of the studio. So fun to see her.  Then we walked over to the New York Public Library to see the Century of the New Yorker exhibition. It was a fantastic show, lots of back story and ephemera from the early days through the present. The Rose reading room was closed to tourists but we wandered around the room across from it (can't remember the name), which housed a lot of interesting portraits. Then we went into the Treasures exhibit, where highlights included the stuffed animals that inspired the Winnie the Pooh books, a decoy Ulysses in a Bobbsey Twins cover,...

First day in NYC! We left early this morning and had an easy drive, getting to the James hotel right at check-in time. Mom and Dad have a room and we have a suite with two bathrooms--a luxury but also not a luxury when you consider we will not be victim to a quadruple homicide trying to manage one bathroom with two teen girls.  We spent the afternoon walking in the city, from Madison Square Park down to Union Square Park. We went into some shops. Greta bought a NYC-themed Lego set and a book; Lucia bought two sets of press-on nails and some spring clothes at H&M. We spent a while in the Strand.  Andrew peeled off to meet some old co-worker friends and the rest of us walked back toward Madison Square Park for dinnar at Wagamama, and then gelato at Eataly. Sadly, it began to rain, and we had a bit of a forced march as we tried to find a place to get some bottles of water, which we ultimately found at HMart. Then in for the night. It's good to be back. 

Worked from home and got things ready for our trip. The kids and Andrew went out to shop for car snacks; Andrew and I took Farrah for a walk to CVS so I could by Dramamine; we packed; I got everything prepared for the pet sitter. The kids and I watched one episode of Lost.  We'll leave early tomorrow morning for New York. Spring break vacation begins!

Almost totally back to normal! Made it through cycle four. Yay. I'm trying to remain positive--only two more two go!--while also just feeling like, really? I have to go through this two more times? But two is better than six. The end is in sight for this first phase. I went into the office for most of the day. I was so hungry after work I made myself a pre-dinner snack of a pot of peanut butter noodles from the NYT. Tonight, Andrew and Lucia went to a hockey game, and Greta and I watched Gilmore Girls. We are all doing laundry and selecting outfits for our trip. I am, as always with trips, very excited and very sad to leave the pets.

Feeling much better today. Less tired, less sore, more normal. I worked from home. Andrew and I met with our kitchen designer. (When she came in and said "I love your hair!" I said, without fanfare, "Thank you!", fighting my impulse to declare IT'S A WIG FROM AMAZON and eschewing unnecessary explanations.) Andrew made an amazing shepherd's pie and chocolate Guinness cake in honor of St. Patrick's Day (a holiday I would otherwise have forgotten about). I am still just ravenous; I could have eaten the entire shepherd's pie. I'm not exaggerating. I can literally feel my body frantically burning energy as it scrambles to heal from this chemo cycle. It's doing a good job. While Andrew and I worked, the kids read a lot, made pancakes, and walked to the grocery store to buy Lucky Charms and then got bubble tea. I love their sisterly excursions.   Tonight Andrew had a late meeting and the girls and I watched Lost. Is it...too confusing now? I sense w...

Feeling a little better today. I slept last night, making all the difference, and just rested a lot throughout the day. I read, watched Lost with the kids, went on a walk with Andrew and Farrah, and watched The White Lotus with Andrew tonight. In the afternoon, I even took the kids into Shadyside to shop at Francesca's--Lucia wanted a new dress to wear in NYC. She found a cute dress, Greta found a sweater, and both got some jewelry with a buy-one-get-two-free sale. I tried to get the kids to watch more Lost tonight, but they wanted to READ. Lucia is finishing up Iron Flame, a smutty dragon romantasy (I don't know what any of that really means and I'm going to maintain my igorance as long as possible), and Greta is reading something else. (It's hard for me to keep track of Greta's reading, because she reads so much and also flips back and forth between old favorites, rereading.) I ate well today; appetite remains unaffected, though it was still hard to drink liquids ...

Day of rest. I actually slept last night--hooray--thanks to the Tylenol PM. I slept in, took a bath, read my book. Andrew and I went to Trader Joe's. Both girls slept late, Lucia egregiously so--until 2pm. Their two-week spring break has started, and they needed the rest. After lunch, Andrew and I and Farrah walked to town to return library books.  Then I settled onto the couch. Andrew and I watched an episode of The White Lotus we'd missed. Then the girls and I watched a bunch of Lost. We're in season five, and it is getting very hard to follow, maybe partly because I am still very tired and out of it and the show's blurring of reality and dreamy time-shifting kind of fits where I am on this Saturday after chemo. Untethered all around.   I'm ready for the day to be over. My legs are hurting, I'm tired, and I have a terrible taste in my mouth that's making it hard to drink anything. My appetite, weirdly, remains voracious, even though food tastes kind of meh...

This morning, in the chaos of getting out the door, Lucia asked if I was going into the office today. (She gets very impatient on the days when I go into the office, when Andrew stops at the light at the corner of Forbes and Morewood to let me out by campus before continuing on to school for the girls' drop-off.) I had to just pause and say, "Lucia, do I LOOK like I'm going into the office today?" I was wearing old leggings, a t-shirt with no bra, a flannel shirt over that, with my hair in a turban. This was clearly a barely-working-from-home outfit. This was a camera-off-if-a-meeting-pops-up-on-my-calendar outfit. Lucia gave me a once-over, shrugged, and said, "I just thought you were trying something new." This child is too much.  Today was a long and tired day. I worked, but barely. I picked Greta up at school and took her to a hair appointment, my only time out of the house today. And I was absolutely starving all day--had a huge lunch and a huge dinner....

Least favorite day, the day after chemo. I barely slept at all last night (the melantonin did not work) and was exhausted all day. It was an insanely busy workday, too. (I found reason today to write the words "swag quagmire" in a message to my boss, though, which redeemed the day a bit.)  Then I lay down and watched Gilmore Girls while Andrew took the kids to piano. They picked up dinner from How Lee on their way home, blessed souls. I ate two platefuls of food. My appetite has been unaffected by all this, and the weird bitter taste I've gotten in past cycles hasn't appeared yet. So, again, being tired isn't fun, but that is literally the only side effect right now, so I can't complain.  In the interest in a complete record, I should keep noting the physical toll of these past few weeks: I have ugly purple bruises on both hands from Tuesday's double-attempt at the blood work; and there are two hard, bumpy veins in my left forearm from IVs past. Battle sca...

I woke up anxious about receiving the CA-125 results, and then the morning took an even more anxiety-producing turn when we pulled up to the door of the school, dropping off the kids at 7:30, and I got a call from the oncology nurse at UPMC saying my ABS neutrophil number was low enough to call my treatment today into question, and I had to come in for a retest before proceeding. What a gut punch.  So we arrived at Magee and went up to the Womens Cancer Center first, where I got my IV and blood work for the retest. Then we went down to the Gynecologic Cancer Center for my appointment with the PA and clinical trial coordinator. My results from the retest had already arrived, and the ABS neutrophil was not only not alarmingly low, but normal! Same with my white blood cell number. So weird. There was no real explanation; the PA just said my body needed the extra day to do what it needed to do.  Treatment assured, we went back to the Cancer Center for the day. Despite my more-than...

The eve of chemo #4. A day that began with the customary blood work first thing in the morning, which required two tries. The worst. I have bruises on both hands. Then I went to work for half a day, met friends for lunch, then worked from home for the rest of the day.  Later Greta and I went to the grocery store to get ingredients for cookies she's bringing to her Taylor Swift elective tomorrow. She made a s'mores bar and is calling them "Eversmores." (I get the wordplay because I am surrounded by all things TSwift.).  Then I helped Lucia work on her camp counselor application, or, at least, tried my best to help. She does not seem to appreciate or even believe that I spent decades as a professional writer and editor and might actually know useful things about writing and editing. I did at least get her to think a little bit more constructively about why she was applying for the job beyond just 'it will be fun'. Andrew went to a hockey game. He already had tic...

I saw Molly in the morning today before she and Jeremy left for work activities, and then I went to a dentist appointment and worked from home. Mom and Dad came to visit in the afternoon and they and Molly and I walked to Starbucks. Sadly it was a short visit, and everyone left shortly afterward.  Andrew and I went over to celebrate Beth's birthday while the kids did all of their schoolwork and piano, a welcome break to the evening. I'm glad it was a busy weekend and Monday. Tomorrow will bring the first phase of chemo cycle #4.

A lovely Saturday. Andrew, the kids, and I went to the Strip this morning to shop at Posman, get some food at Penn Mac and Wholey's, and have lunch at the Novo Food Hall. Always fun to spend some time down there.  Lucia and I finished the grocery shopping at Giant Eagle, then Andrew and Lucia went for a run. At four, Mom and Dad came for a visit and dinner. We showed them the collapsed retaining wall, and Andrew made pizzas in the Ooni for dinner. We all told travel stories while we ate because Lucia said she had an assignment to interview someone, and she wanted to ask about traveling. All of us have an amazing roster of stories. Of course, typical teen, Lucia refused all of our tales (scornfully, wearily) and instead chose Greta to tell her the story of falling out of bed and needing stitches at an ER in Rome. (To be fair, this is indeed a good story.) Later tonight, Molly and Jeremy arrived since Jeremy has to be in Pittsburgh for work tomorrow. We briefly visited before finally...

The girls and I went to a book sale this morning in Edgewood. On the way home, they decided to get boba so I dropped them off on the corner of Murray so they could walk down to Forbes. We convened for a spell of Lunch n' Lost (two episodes), and then Andrew and I cleaned up the guest room since Molly and Jeremy are coming tomorrow.  We had a fun evening out with friends: first a show at Liberty Magic, which was fantastic; and then dinner at Talia. I'll be happy when I can have a cocktail or glass of wine again. I haven't had a drink since starting chemo. My poor body is dealing with an onslaught of poison every three weeks and I just feel better sticking to water, tea, and coffee for now.  

A busy day but I worked from home, which was a nice way to end the week. The girls and I relaxed with two episodes of Lost and the season finale of The Way Home. Dinner was a mishmash of leftovers that the kids eschewed in favor of making their own grilled cheese sandwiches. Not too much else to report from this ordinary end to the week.

Full day in the office for the third day in a row, and I'm tired. But it's been a very busy week and, as I always say, busy-ness is best. Tonight Lucia had musical rehearsal, and both girls had piano. Andrew went to a parent meeting at the Steel City boathouse, the official start of Greta's spring crew season. The girls and I squeezed in an episode of Lost. Some possibly good news in the Story of the Retaining Wall: Andrew met another mason today, and this guy said that part of the wall (the part that didn't collapse) could be preserved, and that we don't need to take down the big tree. He didn't give an estimate yet but this sounds like a potentially lower cost.  I wore the Amazon wig to work today and a colleague I don't see very often complimented me on my new hair style. Lesson from this awkward encounter, where I announced it was a wig and then realized this colleague had no idea I'm going through chemo: if someone compliments one of my wigs, just s...

Work has been so incredibly busy, which, at this time, is exactly what I need. There's not even a minute to start worrying about next week's blood work and chemo. And for the past few evenings Andrew and I have been catching up on the new season of White Lotus, which is also excellent distraction. Not as good as Lost, but good. For any spare moment, I'm reading a thriller. Keep the brain occupied. Andrew had the gall today to point out what appears to be some water damage in our bathroom, suggesting we have a leak. A few years ago, we had an issue in the exact same place when some ice froze (?) somewhere in a gutter (?) or on the roof (?). I chose to do the responsible thing today, which was announce that it's almost spring and I'm going to pretend that what he showed me doesn't exist.  My new Amazon wigs came today. One is a keeper, a blunt-cut shoulder-length bob, a little more severe than my usual look especially when paired with my new black-framed glasses; ...

Disaster. A mason guy met Andrew today to assess the retaining wall damage and my joking figure from yesterday turns out to be not a joke at all. We're going to get more estimates, but this is a huge huge huge job. The wall must be completely rebuilt, and a giant tree whose roots were partially the cause of the wall's undoing must be taken down. Homeownership. This is the absolute worst. And also the absolute worst time for this malicious, inept government to be tanking the stock market. But. But! I have chosen peace. This is a homeownership travail, but we'll get the work done, and then the Story of the Retaining Wall will be over. My capacity for getting stressed out and upset about anything that's not, you know, SURVIVING CANCER has decreased almost to the point of extinction. I literally have one thing to worry about and focus on: becoming and remaining disease-free or -stable for many many many years.  This is a perspective shift. I wish I could return to my previo...

A regular, uneventful day. That can't be said for Sunday morning, which I forgot to write about yesterday. Mid-morning, I was puttering around the kitchen when the doorbell rang. When I saw a young-ish male stranger through the window, I put on the aggrieved but polite face I wear for solicitors and, corralling a freaking-out Farrah, said "Yes?" without opening the storm door. He said he was our backyard neighbor. Important note: our "backyard neighbor" is actually very far below us, as our street is at the top of a hill; the houses on the street below ours are separated from and protected by a series of retaining walls on each property on our street. (Note: this was news to me; I'd never peeked over the wooden fence at the back of our yard to see this wall.)  I should have given a spoiler alert. Obviously the neighbor was there to announce that our retaining wall had collapsed into his yard. "Usually I park the car there," he said. "Good thin...

Spent most of the day relaxing by reading and crocheting a leprechaun hat. Lucia and Andrew went to a hockey game, and Greta and I walked with Farrah to the library for pickups and then to Starbucks. On the way home, we talked about all of the toys and collections that were the backbone of her and Lucia's childhoods: Lego Friends figures, My Little Ponies, Shopkins, Splashlings, American Girls, Calico Critters, Playmobil animals and foods, Barbie-sized princesses, Maileg mice. Formative. The deep playing the kids did with all of these things never ceases to amaze. Hours upon days upon weeks and months. I can think of others that were important to them in their very earliest years: Magic Clip princesses, Strawberry Shortcake dolls. Each collection is vast, and now organized and tucked away. I assured Greta we'll never get rid of any of it.  Homework and piano practicing and dinner took up the evening. I also put away, finally, the last of the Christmas things that I like to keep...

I picked Greta up from her sleepover this morning, and then she, Lucia, and I caught up on last night's The Way Home plus and episode of Lost. Then Greta took a nap and Lucia began preparing for her semi-formal. Andrew and I took Farrah on a long walk in Schenley--it was bitter cold outside but we persevered. Then we spent some time planning our New York trip, booking all our dinners.  Tonight was the Upper School's semi-formal at Heinz History Center. Three of Lucia's friends came over for pictures beforehand, and Andrew drove them to the dance. Lucia's dress was so cute--very long and shimmery metallic Barbie pink, with a corset back, plus very high black heels. She looked beautiful.  Greta hung out at home with the pets while Andrew and I went to the club for dinner with the Clarks. I hadn't been up there for months, since my diagnosis; I miss taking tennis lessons. I'll get back to it later this spring. Laundry and groceries and plant watering filled the res...

End of February--still a slow month but nowhere near as slow as January. Had a busy work day. Tonight Greta is at a sleepover. Lucia, Andrew, and I ordered Mad Mex (used DoorDash credit and kept to the spirit of the economic blackout), and Lucia and I watched a couple episodes of Gilmore Girls. Once she went upstairs, Andrew and I finished season two of Hacks. Now I'm ready to settle in for a nice quiet weekend of reading, New York planning, and Lost viewing.  Feeling totally back to normal and regular energy level. But there's a weird new thing--after chemo #2, the site where my IV was stayed sore, and now the vein in that part of my arm has hardened. It hurts to wear my Apple watch. This is exactly what happened to me when I had shingles and had to get IV antibiotics. The arm took a really long time to heal, and it hurt to move it--it was right before I started my new job and I was worried I'd go in on my first day holding my arm at a weird angle. This paragraph isn't...

Andrew's colonoscopy went fine today and he is in perfect health. He was tired for much of the day but happy to be able to eat again. I worked from home and then took the kids to piano. We did some planning for our NYC trip tonight. Five days isn't nearly enough. The only good thing about a shorter trip is not having to be away from the pets for very long. 

Wig day. I came away from the appointment with a wig that matches my hair color and length almost perfectly. It's a little fuller than my usual style--more like The Rachel--and I wish I could use my flat iron on it. But I'm sure it'll settle. It makes me look, if not exactly like me, then me-esque. And I feel more put together than with the head wraps. I'll add it to my selection of head coverings. I wore it to work for the afternoon.  Maybe I'll channel Moira Rose and do something unexpected for the next selection.  Andrew had an exciting day too, embroiled in colonoscopy prep. He is drinking his toxic brew of Gatorade and Miralax from a giant beer stein he got in Germany during an Oktoberfest long ago. This is a strange time. Hopefully our NYC getaway will take the bleakness out of adulting for a little while.

Regular work day and I'm feeling pretty much back to normal. Really it's the whole weekend plus Monday that I need to get fully back on my feet. We're planning our NYC trip--Andrew is figuring out our hotel tonight and then we'll start booking what we what to see and do. I was wrong about the last time I was in NYC. I was there in September 2023 for Mom and Dad's fiftieth, but we also went in August 2022 for a long weekend to go to the U.S. Open. Still, not much time at all. It will be good to make an extended visit. The cleaners were here today so I kept to the attic with the pets. At one point I simply couldn't find Nutmeg at all; when I looked again, she was under the guest bed.  Tomorrow I have an appointment for a wig selection at Hillman, a free service offered to Cancer Center patients (Magee patients are among them). We'll see if I find something suitable. I'm not looking to make a statement with this wig. Just whatever is closest to my former an...

Slowly coming out the other side of this cycle. I felt mostly back to normal for most of the day, though I'm feeling much more tired than I should be at 8:40pm. Had a regular day of work here at home, took a walk with Farrah and Andrew, made sheet-pan quesadillas for dinner, and watched an episode of Lost with Lucia. (Greta holds hard and fast to the no-TV-on-school-nights principle, even when no one has any homework to do.)  In the next few weeks I'll be turning my attention to planning our spring break trip. We won't be taking a blowout trip to Europe this year, since spring break for the kids is right after chemo cycle #4, but we've decided to spend a week in NYC. Easy drive, no time change, easy to get back home should some issue crop up. It's been years since I've been in the city for a substantial amount of time; the last time I was there was for one day and night in 2023 to celebrate Mom and Dad's fiftieth wedding anniversary. We'll make the most ...

Another good quiet day. I was less tired today, with a little leg soreness, but mostly okay. The girls and I got in a few episodes of Lost throughout the day; Andrew and Greta went to a hockey game; and Lucia went to a friend's house for a few hours. I rested and read. I think the timing of the chemo on Wednesday every three weeks is good, since the first two days after are mostly fine thanks to all the pre-meds and steroids, and then I have the whole weekend to recover.  Tonight both girls came into my room to chat before bed. Love when they do that. 

Feeling less tired today. Hopefully on the upswing. I slept in, had a big breakfast. Andrew and I planned to walk with Farrah down to the library so I could return some books, and the girls decided to come too with the promise of Starbucks. It was a nice sunny day for a walk, though still chilly.  Once we got home, we settled in for some Lost, which we hadn't been able to watch all week, with some breaks for a run (Andrew and Lucia), laundry, and grocery shopping. Andrew made smash burgers for dinner--I was craving some protein. We ended the day by watching the first episode of season four.  Just a nice quiet post-chemo weekend.  

Another tired day, but otherwise I was okay--was actually really hungry a lot of the time. By the end of my work day, though, I was wiped out. Glad it's the weekend. I'll take a nice walk with Andrew and Farrah tomorrow but...not today. Tonight was Greta's middle school dance. She wore her new heels and her floral "cottagecore" dress. She looked adorable, but I was not able to convince her to put on any makeup or earrings. When Lucia got home from musical rehearsal, she took one look at Greta and said, "You look cute, but you need some makeup like you wore for the chorus concert. Let's go." And Greta followed her upstairs with nary an argument. When she came back down, she was wearing blush, mascara, lipstick, and earrings. When I asked Lucia later how she'd convinced her, Lucia just shrugged, smiled, and made heart-hands. These teens.  They also told me they want to share a hotel room when they go to Spain with the school trip this summer. They ...

Feeling okay the day after chemo, and I was able to get through the workday. But now I am just very very tired and ready for bed at 8pm. I'm in my pj's and ready to watch Gilmore Girls until it's a decent time to just turn the lights off and call it a day. Otherwise, no other side effects. I was able to drive Greta to piano, and I've had a regular good appetite all day. 

Chemo #3 is done. I'm halfway through my frontline (standard, first) treatment. The good news is that my CA-125 is down again as I'd prayed, 18 points lower this time! The downward trend continues. Now I can relax a little bit until the days before my next treatment. The long day started off with an appointment with the PA and clinical study coordinator. I had a list of questions as usual. I asked if a steady decrease in the CA-125 means the chemo is having an effect, and she said that's what they like to think. I hope this is true and that the chemo is doing good, poisonous work. We rescheduled my March CT scan to more easily accommodate a hoped-for Spring Break trip, location TBD. We talked about my fear of an intestinal blockage, which I fear every time I have any sort of stomach discomfort at all, and she said if I had one I'd be vomiting, nauseaus, completely constipated, and not eating, and would be doubled over in pain. So. Obviously I have had none of that. This...

The hardest day of the chemo cycle is the day before chemo. So much uncertainty. I went in early this morning for pre-chemo blood work, and, as expected, got all the results except the CA-125. Most of the numbers are in normal range, with a few outliers that I'll ask about tomorrow. Are they alarming? Normal? Expected? Surprising? This is where having an English degree instead of a medical degree is really detrimental. The test results are all numbers, no narrative. (The only narrative lies in a Google search, which I know by now is the last place I should be looking if I want to have any hope of managing my anxiety.) Greta went to crew tonight and then worked on an essay about apple snails. Lucia had musical rehearsal and then worked on memorizing a passage from Macbeth. Andrew made a roast chicken for dinner. I cleaned out and organized the spice cabinet to avoid thinking about test results. It was a busy day, and now it's over, and tomorrow I'll see the CA-125 and mark t...

We stayed in Connellsville until lunchtime today. Andrew and I did some work, the kids baked cookies with Mom, Greta practiced piano with Mom, and the girls and Mom and Dad played gin. Then we loaded up the car and headed home. It was an excellent weekend. Now we prepare for the week ahead. Tomorrow is my bloodwork, followed by anxiety over the results, followed by chemo on Wednesday and more anxiety in the morning and, at some point hopefully early in the day, the results of the CA-125 test. These days right before chemo are the most psychologically difficult of the entire chemo cycle. I have a very busy work day on campus tomorrow, which is for the best. It will keep me occupied. 

It was a snowy day today, a perfect day to just stay home. Mom and I reviewed some crochet technique; Andrew and Lucia went for a run on the bike trail; both girls had math tutorials with Dad; Lucia practiced piano with Mom. Andrew and I helped Mom make the crepes for scrippelles, and the girls helped fill them. The girls and Mom and Dad had a gin tournament, which I subbed in for when Andrew and Dad ran to Tractor Supply to pick up my order of pelletized horse bedding (this is what we use for Nutmeg's litter box; whenever we're in Connellsville I order a few bags to bring home). We had the scrippelles for dinner, always a much-anticipated event. After dinner, Andrew and I took Farrah for a walk, and then we all watched The Bourne Identity. Lucia ate a ham sandwich as a snack, along with a bunch of other things.  Tomorrow we'll head back home. When we lived in New Jersey, we'd always come to Connellsville for President's Day weekend. This was a nice return to that t...

We left this morning and drove to Connellsville to stay with Mom and Dad for the long weekend. Farrah and Nutmeg came too, of course. Andrew was annoyed that the car was as overpacked as it would be if we were going away for a week, bragging that he'd brought only one duffel bag and his work bag. We all got to laugh later on when Andrew realized he hadn't packed any pajamas. Overpackers for the win. Mom and I went for a wonderful and long-awaited visit with old friends (hello, A. family) while the kids hung out with Dad at home. Later, we went to Gabe's and Goodwill, with very little success. Mom, Dad, and I reminisced about the Gabe's of yesteryear and recalled our favorite finds. I can remember things I got at Gabe's going all the way back to the Gabe's on Pittsburgh Street. Those bargains are some of my core memories.  I quietly snickered while writing that last line. But it's true. Maybe I'll write a post about them. We got home and discovered Farrah...

Andrew returned early this morning before I even left for work. I gave the kids their Valentine's gifts--Jellycat animals, a micro tote from Trader Joe's, and Dove chocolate hearts. Then I had to go to work for half a day. The kids had the day off.  I came home after lunch to help Lucia get ready for her Galentine's Day party, which was a big success. She had nine girls over to celebrate. They all brought a pink dessert and had a great time. We ordered pizzas for them too. I'm not sure what they were doing down in the basement, but at one point I went down for something and found Lucia lying on the ping pong table while a friend used a plastic sword to conduct surgery. I have no idea. There was also a lot of play money strewn around, as well as a plastic magnifying glass.   Andrew and I went to a Valentine's party at a neighbor's tonight, which was fun. We didn't stay long since Andrew got almost no sleep last night on his red-eye. I, too, lacked sleep last ...

I worked from home today, and the kids had the day off for a long President's Day weekend, which meant we were able to squeeze in a Lunch n' Lost. They had piano lessons tonight and then we settled in for more Lost in front of the fire. In the middle of a very intense scene, Farrah somehow got behind a side table and pulled the lamp onto the floor. We all screamed as the lamp flickered out.  I took first steps today toward getting an appointment with the world expert in my form of cancer, a doctor at MD Anderson in Houston. He's considered the "father" of low-grade ovarian cancer (LGSOC), since he was the one to first identify that it is very different from the more common high-grade type, and nearly everyone in the low-grade ovarian cancer Facebook group I'm part of sees him--either as a primary oncologist or as a second opinion or consultant for treatment, flying in from all over the world. Once my chemo is done, I'm hoping to have him look at where I st...

Went in to work for most of the day. Greta walked home and Lucia stayed for musical rehearsal. Tonight Lucia had tutoring, then we took Farrah for a walk and watched an episode of Lost.   Not having the NY Times app on my phone anymore made a huge difference today. I looked at the news while I was at work, but I didn't check in every time I had my phone in my hand. A relief.  Both pets caused some drama tonight by getting into Greta's backpack and eating some chocolate she had in a pocket. Farrah ate a few Hershey's Kisses, and I found Nutmeg in the bathroom with a wrapper and remains of some kind of "Turkish delight" mini chocolate bar. Did Nutmeg eat it? Did Farrah carry it in and eat it? Did Farrah deliver the chocolate to Nutmeg, a team of thieves? There's no way of knowing. We found another of these, uneaten, on the floor of my closet. Where did "Turkish delight" chocolate bars come from, anyway? Greta swore she'd never seen them.  Nutmeg is...

I went into the office for almost the whole day today and was very busy. Good distraction from--everything. I hate having to go out with my makeshift head covering, but it is what it is.  It was otherwise just a mildly chaotic day, with Andrew out of town. Greta and I had to get Nutmeg into her carrier to carry her to the attic for the day, out of harm's way while the cleaners were here. Of course she refused to go into the carrier, too smart to fall for the throw-a-treat-in strategy. So that was a little chaos for the morning. She did eventually go in and then we had to carry all of her things upstairs--litter box, water, etc etc. Then there was trash to take out, and recycling to organize, and cars to move back into the driveway, and two kid pickups, and dinner, and walking Farrah. Greta said she feels like she's getting a cold, so I've been wearing my mask around the house--so unpleasant but better than getting sick.  I've made the bold decision to delete the NY Time...

Andrew left for a work trip to California, and I worked from home. Lucia had musical rehearsal and Greta had crew, and then we had dinner and embarked on the homework / piano practicing / bedtime ritual part of the evening. The day was not too eventful. Hoping this week will go quickly so I can get to chemo #3 next week. 

I went to Trader Joe's this morning and to Staples to drop off some returns. Andrew and I took Farrah for a walk in Mellon Park, around the Walled Garden. In the afternoon, we made some snacks for the Superbowl, and some friends came over for the evening to watch. I made an effort to watch but ultimately nodded off. It's definitely better for Andrew when people who actually like/understand football come over to watch the game. We did not have time to watch Lost today. But I dreamed about it last night.

A nicely busy Saturday. We all went to the Waterfront this morning because Andrew, Lucia, and Greta all needed shoes. Andrew needed shoes that would be suitable for a conference where he will be outside on a farm all day. Lucia needed black heels for the semi-formal. Greta needed some kind of shoe for her dance, and found a cute 90's-style pair of Mary Jane heels. Then we went grocery shopping and picked up a couple of things at Target, and finished the errands with lunch at Chick-Fil-A. We cleaned up the basement today, and I made Grandma O's Valentine heart cookies. Andrew made smash burgers for dinner. Then, at long last, it was time for Lost. There are a few new incomprehensible plotlines. We're now halfway through season three.

Worked from home and did some cleanup of our messy house. The plumber finally came to replace our garbage disposal, which we've been without for a full week. Having lived a large portion of my adult life without a garbage disposal (our entire decade-plus in NYC, our two years in Barcelona, our three years in California, every summer stay in New Hampshire), I have zero ability to live without one. Andrew wanted to wait until we get a new kitchen in a few months, a ridiculous idea I quickly corrected by scheduling the plumber.  Lucia had musical rehearsal after school, and then--at long last--it was time to return to Lost. We are into season three and I am so invested in these characters that I'm not even sure how to NOT just keep watching episodes. We had to stop eventually to turn our attention to The Way Home. This is like a new version of TGIF from my childhood. 

Went into the office for part of the day, wearing a head scarf that was my grandmother's. I came home at lunchtime and worked from home for the afternoon. Lucia had auditions for the Upper School musical, and then both kids had piano lessons. The dresses Lucia picked out for the semi-formal arrived, and her favorite fit her perfectly. She was so happy. Glad tomorrow is Friday so we can get back to watching Lost.

Worked from home in another headwrap from Gabe's. I also remembered that I have a bag of scarves that belonged to my grandmother, and I unearthed those and ironed a few that will work for headwraps. Getting resourceful here. Wish I could use my resourcefulness for literally any other reason. Tonight was the usual busy Wednesday, with Andrew taking Lucia to tutoring while I went to pick Greta up from crew, then all of us eating dinner at different times. Greta is now studying for a math test with the help of Andrew and Poppop on Facetime. Time to go hang out with Nutmeg and Farrah for a bit and then go to bed. Since I'm measuring the first quarter of this year in chemo time, I'll note that today is the end of week one of cycle two. Closer to the halfway mark every day. 

I really debated just working from home today, had even put on a lounge-y WFH outfit after my shower, but then I decided that I had to just leave the house even though I don't want anyone to see me in my current state. Because if I decided to hide today, then it'll be too easy to just decide to hide every day, and that's not what I want. That's a straight and easy path to just never leaving the house. (And I've always been teetering on the edge of never leaving the house, even without cancer.) So I changed into a work outfit, put on a head wrap I'd gotten at Gabe's a few years ago, and went into the office.  Tonight was the girls' chorus concert, which had been postponed from January because of the snow. Mom and Dad met us at the school. It was a lovely concert. I wore my Gabe's head wrap.    

Worked, went for a lunchtime walk with a friend, helped Lucia look for dresses for an upcoming semi-formal. I'm feeling pretty much back to normal today, which is good. Very little leg soreness. The side effects from this round, such as they are, are on exactly the same timeline as round #1.  That said, surprising no one, and despite my best efforts to MAINTAIN PERSPECTIVE, my hair is becoming an issue for me. I don't think I can tolerate it like this, and though I like to imagine myself swanning around confidently in dramatic and elegant head scarves, I'm pretty sure that's not me. Or is it? I ordered a variety of head coverings from Amazon tonight and will try them, but if I lose more hair I think a wig is going to be what makes me feel best. I just want to look like myself, because that's how I feel--I don't feel sickly or weak. I'm just...dealing, while also going about my regular life. Maybe that's the perspective I'll be maintaining: cancer is...

We went to Costco this morning to do some stocking up. It feels like March 2020, with so many unknowns and instability. We got nonperishables, snacks, paper products, cleaning products.  I'm feeling pretty good today, same as yesterday, just tired and some leg soreness. Andrew and I took Farrah on a walk which helped as always. Of course, the girls and I watched several episodes of Lost--we just started season three. And I put out our Valentine's Day decorations. Sadly, the hair shedding from the past couple of weeks has left some very thin spots, which I guess was inevitable. It's going to take a little time to adjust, but I'm reminding myself it's only temporary. It will all grow back. I ordered some wide headbands so I can cover up the thin spots and am just going to have to keep perspective. It's just hair. Just hair. Just hair. And just for now.

I slept better last night, though still felt tired today, with the same leg pain emerging as in the first cycle. I really don't want to take any more steroids so I took Claritin and Tylenol (PA's recommendation), which helped a little, and walked a mile around the track at the Schenley Oval this morning, which helped a lot. Andrew and I took Farrah on a walk down to the library later in the day as well so I could pick up some holds. Walking really makes the muscle pain better.  The girls had well visits this morning with the pediatrician, which went fine; Lucia is catching up with Greta height-wise: Greta is 5'5" and Lucia is now 5'3". They may end up the same height in the end.  Back home, we watched The Way Home (which we had to record last night since Lucia was out) and a few episodes of Lost. See? I'm relaxing. Just sitting around watching TV with the kids, and then reading a book.   Andrew made fried fish sandwiches for dinner tonight, then the kids w...

It. Is. The. End. Of. January. COVID, two chemo treatments, returning to work after 6 weeks of leave, and the hellscape of terrifying ineptitude that has been inflicted on us--it has been too much.   Today was busy at work, and I'm just feeling really really tired. Also everything has a weird bitter taste. All normal, I know. And as usual, I'm grateful this is all there is to the side effects so far. I'm still shedding, but less, maybe because there's less to shed?  It was a quiet evening. Lucia went to a party, and Greta hung out chatting with me as I lay in bed. Now I'm going to sleep. I'm glad I've been through one cycle already so I know that I have a much livelier week 2 and 3 to look forward to. 

I didn't sleep well last night despite being exhausted--maybe all the steroids? But today started off fine--I felt good, and worked--but around three I started feeling just so, so tired, and I started feeling painful acid reflux. A Pepcid helped a lot. That's an unwelcome new side effect. (I'm fine now.) Andrew took the kids to piano and I lay in bed and watched Gilmore Girls. Farrah lay right next to me. We had leftovers for dinner and managed to take Farrah for a walk. But I am very ready for bed now. I can't even focus on the new Kevin Kwan I started reading, Lies and Weddings. I'm not good at just lying around resting, but rest I must.  Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight. Ready for the weekend.  

Chemo #2 in the books! 1/3 of the way through my chemotherapy journey. We met with one of my doctor's PAs at 7:40 this morning, as well as the clinical study coordinator. I was able to ask a lot of my questions, such as what happens to my treatment if all these funding freezes happen. The study coordinator said my treatment would be uninterrupted since I'm in the "standard of care arm," but that he'd probably lose his job. (Happily, a few hours later, Andrew and I read in the Times that that insane memo was rescinded. A huge relief.) I also asked about my CA-125 number, which has been giving me a lot of anxiety. (That number is called a "tumor marker," and an elevated number indicates the existence of cancer. Once a surgery and treatment are underway, that number should decrease.) I get my CA-125 tested every three weeks as part of my pre-chemo bloodwork. At first I thought I just wouldn't ever look at the test results and trust the doctor to tell me...

I went into the office today for the first time since early November. It felt good to be back, and distracted with tasks and meetings. I made a spreadsheet with charts, clicked people into breakout rooms on a Zoom, ate lunch with my boss, sent emails. There's a darkness over campus as everyone wrestles with the endless doom scroll of news and what it might mean for higher ed. Nothing good, is the consensus. Such harm is being done. We took Farrah for a walk, Andrew made tacos for dinner, the kids practiced piano, and then we watched two dramatic episodes of Lost.  I had blood work this morning in preparation for tomorrow, chemo #2. Ready to get this one behind me. 

Worked from home and had a pretty busy day. Being busy is good. I picked Lucia up from track, read, tidied up the house to prepare for the cleaners tomorrow. We had dinner when Greta got home from crew. Just anxious to get to Wednesday. Still so much hair shedding. It seems incredible that you can't tell. At least not yet. I mean, there is not an infinite amount of hair on my head; at some point the shedding will either stop, or it won't. Scalp cooling doesn't work for everyone. But from what I've read, if I were going to actually lose all my hair, this is the time when it would happen. Any stranger looking at me at wouldn't be able to see much difference from how a non-chemo-patient's hair looks. Hope it stays this way. But honestly, if it doesn't, it's the very least important thing. I will deal with it and then it will grow back. I'll transfer my vanity to the dramatic press-on nails Molly has provided. Tomorrow I'm going into the office for t...

Andrew and I started the day by taking Farrah on a long walk in Frick Park. The park looks so pretty in the snow. It's going to warm up this week and I'll be sorry when our January-long snow cover finally melts.  The girls and I went to Shadyside this afternoon to shop at Francesca's, teen/tween heaven, because Lucia needed gifts for two birthdays and Greta needed a dress for an upcoming middle-school dance. Greta surprised me this morning by announcing that her new aesthetic is "cottagecore." She said she will be wearing light colors, floral prints, dresses, and skirts. For anyone who hasn't seen Greta in the past year, just know that this is a far cry from the all-black, dresses-are-banned, sweatpants-and-hoodie uniform she's been firmly attached to. She found two dresses she liked, both floral print with tiered skirts, on sale. I bought her both. (Tonight, when I said goodnight to her, she said, "I'd kiss you, but I just put on my Laneige....

Somehow, it is still January. I ran some errands this morning at Target and Trader Joe's. Andrew and I took Farrah on a long walk along Panther Hollow Trail. I made a batch of chili for the freezer. Lucia went to a birthday party. Andrew, Greta, and I played Splendor. For dinner, Andrew made pizzas on the Ooni. When Lucia got home, we watched two episodes of Lost.  A nice Saturday, until the news breaks through and the dark chaos overwhelms. It gets worse every day, and it's impossible not to speculate about what's next.  More long walks, more Lost. Less speculation. 

The end of a long weird week. It seemed like it lasted for two weeks. Today was work, school, ordering in from How Lee, Lost, and The Way Home. Molly sent us a set of press-on nails that she's obsessed with, and Lucia and I both gave ourselves very fancy manicures. Typing is difficult. I'm starting to shed a lot of hair--what the scalp-cooling people said would happen exactly at this point. Nutmeg is going through a molt right now, tufts of hair flying, so she and I are basically on a joint quest to destroy our vacuum cleaner. I'm going to do a digital detox this weekend. Everything I read upsets me. I don't have the mental space for that right now.  

Back to normal routines of in-person school. I worked from home, a pretty busy day. Lucia had track practice and then both kids had piano lessons. Andrew returned from Texas. We watched one episode of Lost.  I'm trying not to spiral over the news but it's hard not knowing what crazy plans are being made for health orgs, including the NIH. The clinical trial I'm in is...funded by the NIH. See? Best to avoid the news. I may have to withdraw the kids from school so we can just watch Lost nonstop and forget about everything else.

Another remote school day for the kids, though today they had more work to do. Lucia's took her all day. Fortunately she had tutoring tonight and was able to work with her tutor on finishing everything up for physics and algebra 2. We of course enjoyed our new tradition of this week, Lunch n' Lost, where we eat lunch together while watching an episode of Lost. I don't want them to go back to in-person school tomorrow.  I actually left the house/yard today to take Lucia to tutoring, and the windshield wipers were so completely encased in ice that I couldn't get them to work even after driving for ten minutes. It's still very very cold. (And I still don't feel very cold myself.)  I made sheet pan quesadillas for dinner and we watched a paltry one episode of Lost since it's a school night. It seems incredible that it is still January. There is so much January left that I still have a January chemo treatment coming up. Truly the month that never ends. 

Remote school day because of extreme cold. The kids didn't have too much to do, and it really was just another day at home. They did the little work they were assigned, read, worked on a story (Greta), and Facetimed with a friend about mystical predictions (Lucia).  Besides working, I also put together two Snapfish photo books of family photos from 2023 and 2024--I make one every year and was a little behind. It was unsettling to look through a year's worth of pictures from 2024, all those fun events and memories, knowing that through it all I was completely oblivious to the ticking bomb that would, come November, blow up my entire life.   Of course we finished off the day with a bunch of episodes of Lost. It's getting more and more incomprehensible and strange, but also fantastic. We are so invested in these characters.

A restful holiday. Andrew left this morning for Texas, his flight taking off without any problems despite the freezing temperature. The girls slept in, and then, with their breakfast, we watched an episode of Lost, the first of the day. In danger of watching Lost for the ENTIRE day, we tried to pace ourselves, breaking every few episodes for lunch, room-cleaning, studying (Greta), showering (Lucia), reading (me), two rounds of Unstable Unicorns, and dinner. It was very cozy to just hang out with the girls all day instead of having them disappear into their rooms--Lost was the perfect show to get them to spend many hours with me downstairs. I crocheted a new baby bunny pattern while we watched, too.  School will be remote the next two days because of the extreme cold, which means no dropoffs, pickups, or sports. I'll be working from home. It's going to be a nice quiet week, though "quiet" isn't quite right since the kids are finding it hilarious to hurl insulting n...

A relaxing day at home. Andrew and I took Farrah on a snowy walk to the library so I could pick up a book. I did laundry, put dinner in the slow cooker, and bought a new crochet pattern on Etsy. At lunchtime, the girls and I began a Lost marathon (I crocheted while watching). We paused for a while in the late afternoon, had dinner, and then resumed. We have one more episode of season one.  Andrew leaves tomorrow for a work trip--his first since the ill-fated trip to Peru he was on when I got my diagnosis. He's going to time his trips for the third week of my chemo cycles, when we're hoping I consistently feel good. Right now I feel great. Wednesday will complete week two of this three-week cycle. I'm actually feeling a little impatient to get to the next treatment--I just want this chemo stage to be over. But I also understand that this can't be rushed, and I do feel very grateful for each of these days that have been completely normal. I feel just a vast appreciation f...

Went to Target this morning with Andrew to do a little stocking up on pantry items, paper products, and over the counter meds, for no other reason than just giving in to the unsettling unknowns of the next week/s. I feel better when I feel prepared for disruptions.  The four of us played Splendor in the afternoon, I crocheted a snowman, and our friends came over for happy hour. We made hot spiced cider with bourbon. No bourbon for me, though; I'm not drinking for the forseeable future, at least until chemo is over.  We ordered Pizza Hut for dinner and the girls and I watched several episodes of Lost while Andrew watched football. It's such a good show. Farrah, extra cuddly, lay across my lap for most of the time.  Greta and I spent some time this afternoon trying to comb Nutmeg. We made a little progress with me distracting her by petting her head and Greta combing her. I have never seen a creature shed so much. Fur is sticking out everywhere. She looks like a wild bun li...

Another week down. I worked, Andrew worked and brought the Volvo in for its inspection, Lucia had a haircut. Tonight the girls and I watched an episode of Lost and then the new episode of The Way Home. A nice way to end the week.  Nutmeg started the day off by hiding under the bed and refusing to eat. Greta was able to hold her so I could give her some meds before school, and by mid-afternoon she was back to normal. She is shedding a lot right now and I'm determined to figure out this weekend how to thoroughly comb her to get rid of the shedding fur--not easy, since she runs away at the sight of the comb. It's going to take some finagling.

The kids had a snow day today--their first of this winter. They both slept in late, watched some TV shows, played outside for a little while, and read. The three of us played Unstable Unicorns once I was done working, and all four of us played Splendor. Then they had virtual piano lessons, and we ate dinner. Andrew and I took Farrah for a walk. A nice wintry day. We have a significant amount of snow on the ground--nothing that's going to melt anytime soon.  I loved being holed up here together all day even though it meant tonight's middle- and upper-school chorus concert was cancelled and Mom and Dad weren't able to come for a visit; we were going to celebrate Mom's birthday. Our celebration will have to be postponed. Greta had made some delicious Nutella cupcakes and she's just going to have to make them again.

Totally normal day. No leg pain. Felt good. Worked, went grocery shopping with Andrew, made dinner--a new recipe from a cookbook I got for Christmas. Greta baked cupcakes for Mom's birthday tomorrow (visit is weather-dependent). Lucia had a late evening appointment with her new tutor, which went well. They worked on corrections to the dreaded physics test.  I purged some bookshelves tonight (middle-grade books mostly from library sales that the kids never read). We are constantly bringing books into the house and there's no need to hang on to any we don't love or have a sentimental attachment to. The kids have their favorite middle-grade books, to be sure, and we'll never get rid of those. But the unread, overlooked middle-grade novels can safely be offloaded now. Andrew and I have been going through our own shelves as well.  It was so cold here today but it's the strangest thing--I just don't feel it. Andrew and I took Farrah for a walk tonight and I didn't...