We've Missed New York...Right?

“We’re getting to like it…but we miss New York.” I can’t count the number of times we’ve said this over the past three years to people who have asked us how we like California. It’s changed slightly over time—we’re more likely to say we actually do like it, now that we’ve made a place for ourselves in Roseville—but the last part, the missing New York part, has stayed the same. It’s something we’ve been saying to each other and ourselves and other people for the past five years, ever since we left to move to Barcelona.

But now that we’re going back—now that we’ve had almost three months to wrap our heads around what that might mean—I realize that although the phrase still may be true, its unspoken implications are not. All along, by saying we missed New York, we meant that we missed living there and hoped, even planned, to live there again. Now that we actually are going back, we’re excited—but our excitement is equaled by nervousness and, I think, even a bit of reluctance.

We’re happy to be going back East; but the idea of New York is daunting now that we have a baby. I love being able to stroll outside with her in my arms just to get some fresh air, and to sit with her on the porch in the afternoon. We transport her places in our suburban-sized stroller and travel fuss-free in one of our two suburban cars. It’s simply impossible to imagine navigating the subway with her, or not having any readily available outdoor space. Living here is easy, which is good, because it’s not always easy having a baby.

It’s not just the baby aspect that’s given us pause. We’ve gotten used to space—closets, large rooms, multiple bedrooms. We have enough furniture to fill three New York apartments, and a few items that won’t fit into any New York apartment, ever—like our wine barrel. We’ve gotten accustomed to buying big and keeping everything. And we’re at the point now where we’re not willing to sell all our stuff pre-move—we’ve done that twice in the past five years, starting over from zero each time, and we want to keep things now. But where is it all going to go?

Many of the things we loved about living in New York—restaurants, summer days in Central Park, Broadway shows, Shakespeare in the Park, browsing at the Strand, museums—simply won’t be part of our new with-baby life. Surely, other things will fill those spaces, things we aren’t even aware of yet. But I wonder how much of the “We miss New York” refrain referred not to the city itself (though we both genuinely love it) but to the life we had there five years ago--a total of seven city years for me, five for Andrew. I think of my lovely apartment, Andrew’s cozy studio, walks down 5th Avenue in Park Slope on Saturday afternoons, eating bagels on a bench on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade. Watching Andrew run the marathon. Walking to work over the Brooklyn Bridge during the transit strike. Riding to work every day on the 4 train, my feet aching in high heels as I stood, gripping the pole, in the crowd and seeing the skyline as the train approached Manhattan. Wearing high heels.

So much of this will be different now. We left New York unmarried and childless, almost completely unencumbered with anything except books, which we stored at our parents’ houses. We’re now married, baby-fied, and owners not only of books but also of major household appliances, two cars, two queen-sized beds, and, yes, a wine barrel.

Of course we’re happy about this turn our life has taken. But it may take us longer than we thought it would to truly feel like New Yorkers again.

Comments

Hi, I've been following this blog since ur SacLights days (random, right?), and I just wanted to say, Congrats on the baby, your husband's new job, and new future ahead of you!

As a New York City dweller, let me be the first to say to you- so be it if it's via blog commenting- welcome home. :)
bubbasmama said…
get a wrap! :) they are comfy and ohsomucheasier to navigate on the subway with! mamatoto.net has lots of great suggestions. congrats and good luck with the move!
auntie jo said…
Selfishly, I'm glad you're coming back east. Perhaps one day I'll get to meet beautiful Lucia! Knowing you, I have no doubt you will figure out how to take Lucia wherever you may want to go!