Tuesday, March 11

The eve of chemo #4. A day that began with the customary blood work first thing in the morning, which required two tries. The worst. I have bruises on both hands. Then I went to work for half a day, met friends for lunch, then worked from home for the rest of the day. 

Later Greta and I went to the grocery store to get ingredients for cookies she's bringing to her Taylor Swift elective tomorrow. She made a s'mores bar and is calling them "Eversmores." (I get the wordplay because I am surrounded by all things TSwift.). 

Then I helped Lucia work on her camp counselor application, or, at least, tried my best to help. She does not seem to appreciate or even believe that I spent decades as a professional writer and editor and might actually know useful things about writing and editing. I did at least get her to think a little bit more constructively about why she was applying for the job beyond just 'it will be fun'.

Andrew went to a hockey game. He already had tickets and was hesitant to go, but there was no reason not to, and I don't blame him for wanting to just step away for a few hours before tomorrow's residency in the infusion ward, where his sole responsibility is regularly swapping out the ice packs in my neuropathy-preventing mittens and booties. 

What a horrific thing to have to write. What a horrific thing to have to do. But how glad I am that these things exist and are working.

I just popped five steroid pills in preparation for tomorrow. My blood work from the morning came back mostly okay, with a few low numbers; I didn't get a call or message saying they were too low for chemo tomorrow, so maybe they weren't egregiously low. Who knows. Of course the most meaningful number, the CA-125, won't be sent until sometime tomorrow. 

Sigh. I'll be glad when tomorrow is over. It's just wearying to feel so normal and fine right now and know that I'm facing a few days of feeling not great. It's hard to even describe how I feel after chemo. Not weak or nauseous. Tired, yes, more than usual. But mostly I feel poison-filled, and a little radioactive. Operating a few steps to the side of regular life.

The only way out is through. Just a few days until I'm back to regular functioning.