Skipping Town

End of February--still a slow month but nowhere near as slow as January. Had a busy work day. Tonight Greta is at a sleepover. Lucia, Andrew, and I ordered Mad Mex (used DoorDash credit and kept to the spirit of the economic blackout), and Lucia and I watched a couple episodes of Gilmore Girls. Once she went upstairs, Andrew and I finished season two of Hacks. Now I'm ready to settle in for a nice quiet weekend of reading, New York planning, and Lost viewing.  Feeling totally back to normal and regular energy level. But there's a weird new thing--after chemo #2, the site where my IV was stayed sore, and now the vein in that part of my arm has hardened. It hurts to wear my Apple watch. This is exactly what happened to me when I had shingles and had to get IV antibiotics. The arm took a really long time to heal, and it hurt to move it--it was right before I started my new job and I was worried I'd go in on my first day holding my arm at a weird angle. This paragraph isn't...

Andrew's colonoscopy went fine today and he is in perfect health. He was tired for much of the day but happy to be able to eat again. I worked from home and then took the kids to piano. We did some planning for our NYC trip tonight. Five days isn't nearly enough. The only good thing about a shorter trip is not having to be away from the pets for very long. 

Wig day. I came away from the appointment with a wig that matches my hair color and length almost perfectly. It's a little fuller than my usual style--more like The Rachel--and I wish I could use my flat iron on it. But I'm sure it'll settle. It makes me look, if not exactly like me, then me-esque. And I feel more put together than with the head wraps. I'll add it to my selection of head coverings. I wore it to work for the afternoon.  Maybe I'll channel Moira Rose and do something unexpected for the next selection.  Andrew had an exciting day too, embroiled in colonoscopy prep. He is drinking his toxic brew of Gatorade and Miralax from a giant beer stein he got in Germany during an Oktoberfest long ago. This is a strange time. Hopefully our NYC getaway will take the bleakness out of adulting for a little while.

Regular work day and I'm feeling pretty much back to normal. Really it's the whole weekend plus Monday that I need to get fully back on my feet. We're planning our NYC trip--Andrew is figuring out our hotel tonight and then we'll start booking what we what to see and do. I was wrong about the last time I was in NYC. I was there in September 2023 for Mom and Dad's fiftieth, but we also went in August 2022 for a long weekend to go to the U.S. Open. Still, not much time at all. It will be good to make an extended visit. The cleaners were here today so I kept to the attic with the pets. At one point I simply couldn't find Nutmeg at all; when I looked again, she was under the guest bed.  Tomorrow I have an appointment for a wig selection at Hillman, a free service offered to Cancer Center patients (Magee patients are among them). We'll see if I find something suitable. I'm not looking to make a statement with this wig. Just whatever is closest to my former an...

Slowly coming out the other side of this cycle. I felt mostly back to normal for most of the day, though I'm feeling much more tired than I should be at 8:40pm. Had a regular day of work here at home, took a walk with Farrah and Andrew, made sheet-pan quesadillas for dinner, and watched an episode of Lost with Lucia. (Greta holds hard and fast to the no-TV-on-school-nights principle, even when no one has any homework to do.)  In the next few weeks I'll be turning my attention to planning our spring break trip. We won't be taking a blowout trip to Europe this year, since spring break for the kids is right after chemo cycle #4, but we've decided to spend a week in NYC. Easy drive, no time change, easy to get back home should some issue crop up. It's been years since I've been in the city for a substantial amount of time; the last time I was there was for one day and night in 2023 to celebrate Mom and Dad's fiftieth wedding anniversary. We'll make the most ...

Another good quiet day. I was less tired today, with a little leg soreness, but mostly okay. The girls and I got in a few episodes of Lost throughout the day; Andrew and Greta went to a hockey game; and Lucia went to a friend's house for a few hours. I rested and read. I think the timing of the chemo on Wednesday every three weeks is good, since the first two days after are mostly fine thanks to all the pre-meds and steroids, and then I have the whole weekend to recover.  Tonight both girls came into my room to chat before bed. Love when they do that. 

Feeling less tired today. Hopefully on the upswing. I slept in, had a big breakfast. Andrew and I planned to walk with Farrah down to the library so I could return some books, and the girls decided to come too with the promise of Starbucks. It was a nice sunny day for a walk, though still chilly.  Once we got home, we settled in for some Lost, which we hadn't been able to watch all week, with some breaks for a run (Andrew and Lucia), laundry, and grocery shopping. Andrew made smash burgers for dinner--I was craving some protein. We ended the day by watching the first episode of season four.  Just a nice quiet post-chemo weekend.  

Another tired day, but otherwise I was okay--was actually really hungry a lot of the time. By the end of my work day, though, I was wiped out. Glad it's the weekend. I'll take a nice walk with Andrew and Farrah tomorrow but...not today. Tonight was Greta's middle school dance. She wore her new heels and her floral "cottagecore" dress. She looked adorable, but I was not able to convince her to put on any makeup or earrings. When Lucia got home from musical rehearsal, she took one look at Greta and said, "You look cute, but you need some makeup like you wore for the chorus concert. Let's go." And Greta followed her upstairs with nary an argument. When she came back down, she was wearing blush, mascara, lipstick, and earrings. When I asked Lucia later how she'd convinced her, Lucia just shrugged, smiled, and made heart-hands. These teens.  They also told me they want to share a hotel room when they go to Spain with the school trip this summer. They ...

Feeling okay the day after chemo, and I was able to get through the workday. But now I am just very very tired and ready for bed at 8pm. I'm in my pj's and ready to watch Gilmore Girls until it's a decent time to just turn the lights off and call it a day. Otherwise, no other side effects. I was able to drive Greta to piano, and I've had a regular good appetite all day. 

Chemo #3 is done. I'm halfway through my frontline (standard, first) treatment. The good news is that my CA-125 is down again as I'd prayed, 18 points lower this time! The downward trend continues. Now I can relax a little bit until the days before my next treatment. The long day started off with an appointment with the PA and clinical study coordinator. I had a list of questions as usual. I asked if a steady decrease in the CA-125 means the chemo is having an effect, and she said that's what they like to think. I hope this is true and that the chemo is doing good, poisonous work. We rescheduled my March CT scan to more easily accommodate a hoped-for Spring Break trip, location TBD. We talked about my fear of an intestinal blockage, which I fear every time I have any sort of stomach discomfort at all, and she said if I had one I'd be vomiting, nauseaus, completely constipated, and not eating, and would be doubled over in pain. So. Obviously I have had none of that. This...

The hardest day of the chemo cycle is the day before chemo. So much uncertainty. I went in early this morning for pre-chemo blood work, and, as expected, got all the results except the CA-125. Most of the numbers are in normal range, with a few outliers that I'll ask about tomorrow. Are they alarming? Normal? Expected? Surprising? This is where having an English degree instead of a medical degree is really detrimental. The test results are all numbers, no narrative. (The only narrative lies in a Google search, which I know by now is the last place I should be looking if I want to have any hope of managing my anxiety.) Greta went to crew tonight and then worked on an essay about apple snails. Lucia had musical rehearsal and then worked on memorizing a passage from Macbeth. Andrew made a roast chicken for dinner. I cleaned out and organized the spice cabinet to avoid thinking about test results. It was a busy day, and now it's over, and tomorrow I'll see the CA-125 and mark t...

We stayed in Connellsville until lunchtime today. Andrew and I did some work, the kids baked cookies with Mom, Greta practiced piano with Mom, and the girls and Mom and Dad played gin. Then we loaded up the car and headed home. It was an excellent weekend. Now we prepare for the week ahead. Tomorrow is my bloodwork, followed by anxiety over the results, followed by chemo on Wednesday and more anxiety in the morning and, at some point hopefully early in the day, the results of the CA-125 test. These days right before chemo are the most psychologically difficult of the entire chemo cycle. I have a very busy work day on campus tomorrow, which is for the best. It will keep me occupied. 

It was a snowy day today, a perfect day to just stay home. Mom and I reviewed some crochet technique; Andrew and Lucia went for a run on the bike trail; both girls had math tutorials with Dad; Lucia practiced piano with Mom. Andrew and I helped Mom make the crepes for scrippelles, and the girls helped fill them. The girls and Mom and Dad had a gin tournament, which I subbed in for when Andrew and Dad ran to Tractor Supply to pick up my order of pelletized horse bedding (this is what we use for Nutmeg's litter box; whenever we're in Connellsville I order a few bags to bring home). We had the scrippelles for dinner, always a much-anticipated event. After dinner, Andrew and I took Farrah for a walk, and then we all watched The Bourne Identity. Lucia ate a ham sandwich as a snack, along with a bunch of other things.  Tomorrow we'll head back home. When we lived in New Jersey, we'd always come to Connellsville for President's Day weekend. This was a nice return to that t...

We left this morning and drove to Connellsville to stay with Mom and Dad for the long weekend. Farrah and Nutmeg came too, of course. Andrew was annoyed that the car was as overpacked as it would be if we were going away for a week, bragging that he'd brought only one duffel bag and his work bag. We all got to laugh later on when Andrew realized he hadn't packed any pajamas. Overpackers for the win. Mom and I went for a wonderful and long-awaited visit with old friends (hello, A. family) while the kids hung out with Dad at home. Later, we went to Gabe's and Goodwill, with very little success. Mom, Dad, and I reminisced about the Gabe's of yesteryear and recalled our favorite finds. I can remember things I got at Gabe's going all the way back to the Gabe's on Pittsburgh Street. Those bargains are some of my core memories.  I quietly snickered while writing that last line. But it's true. Maybe I'll write a post about them. We got home and discovered Farrah...

Andrew returned early this morning before I even left for work. I gave the kids their Valentine's gifts--Jellycat animals, a micro tote from Trader Joe's, and Dove chocolate hearts. Then I had to go to work for half a day. The kids had the day off.  I came home after lunch to help Lucia get ready for her Galentine's Day party, which was a big success. She had nine girls over to celebrate. They all brought a pink dessert and had a great time. We ordered pizzas for them too. I'm not sure what they were doing down in the basement, but at one point I went down for something and found Lucia lying on the ping pong table while a friend used a plastic sword to conduct surgery. I have no idea. There was also a lot of play money strewn around, as well as a plastic magnifying glass.   Andrew and I went to a Valentine's party at a neighbor's tonight, which was fun. We didn't stay long since Andrew got almost no sleep last night on his red-eye. I, too, lacked sleep last ...

I worked from home today, and the kids had the day off for a long President's Day weekend, which meant we were able to squeeze in a Lunch n' Lost. They had piano lessons tonight and then we settled in for more Lost in front of the fire. In the middle of a very intense scene, Farrah somehow got behind a side table and pulled the lamp onto the floor. We all screamed as the lamp flickered out.  I took first steps today toward getting an appointment with the world expert in my form of cancer, a doctor at MD Anderson in Houston. He's considered the "father" of low-grade ovarian cancer (LGSOC), since he was the one to first identify that it is very different from the more common high-grade type, and nearly everyone in the low-grade ovarian cancer Facebook group I'm part of sees him--either as a primary oncologist or as a second opinion or consultant for treatment, flying in from all over the world. Once my chemo is done, I'm hoping to have him look at where I st...

Went in to work for most of the day. Greta walked home and Lucia stayed for musical rehearsal. Tonight Lucia had tutoring, then we took Farrah for a walk and watched an episode of Lost.   Not having the NY Times app on my phone anymore made a huge difference today. I looked at the news while I was at work, but I didn't check in every time I had my phone in my hand. A relief.  Both pets caused some drama tonight by getting into Greta's backpack and eating some chocolate she had in a pocket. Farrah ate a few Hershey's Kisses, and I found Nutmeg in the bathroom with a wrapper and remains of some kind of "Turkish delight" mini chocolate bar. Did Nutmeg eat it? Did Farrah carry it in and eat it? Did Farrah deliver the chocolate to Nutmeg, a team of thieves? There's no way of knowing. We found another of these, uneaten, on the floor of my closet. Where did "Turkish delight" chocolate bars come from, anyway? Greta swore she'd never seen them.  Nutmeg is...

I went into the office for almost the whole day today and was very busy. Good distraction from--everything. I hate having to go out with my makeshift head covering, but it is what it is.  It was otherwise just a mildly chaotic day, with Andrew out of town. Greta and I had to get Nutmeg into her carrier to carry her to the attic for the day, out of harm's way while the cleaners were here. Of course she refused to go into the carrier, too smart to fall for the throw-a-treat-in strategy. So that was a little chaos for the morning. She did eventually go in and then we had to carry all of her things upstairs--litter box, water, etc etc. Then there was trash to take out, and recycling to organize, and cars to move back into the driveway, and two kid pickups, and dinner, and walking Farrah. Greta said she feels like she's getting a cold, so I've been wearing my mask around the house--so unpleasant but better than getting sick.  I've made the bold decision to delete the NY Time...

Andrew left for a work trip to California, and I worked from home. Lucia had musical rehearsal and Greta had crew, and then we had dinner and embarked on the homework / piano practicing / bedtime ritual part of the evening. The day was not too eventful. Hoping this week will go quickly so I can get to chemo #3 next week. 

I went to Trader Joe's this morning and to Staples to drop off some returns. Andrew and I took Farrah for a walk in Mellon Park, around the Walled Garden. In the afternoon, we made some snacks for the Superbowl, and some friends came over for the evening to watch. I made an effort to watch but ultimately nodded off. It's definitely better for Andrew when people who actually like/understand football come over to watch the game. We did not have time to watch Lost today. But I dreamed about it last night.

A nicely busy Saturday. We all went to the Waterfront this morning because Andrew, Lucia, and Greta all needed shoes. Andrew needed shoes that would be suitable for a conference where he will be outside on a farm all day. Lucia needed black heels for the semi-formal. Greta needed some kind of shoe for her dance, and found a cute 90's-style pair of Mary Jane heels. Then we went grocery shopping and picked up a couple of things at Target, and finished the errands with lunch at Chick-Fil-A. We cleaned up the basement today, and I made Grandma O's Valentine heart cookies. Andrew made smash burgers for dinner. Then, at long last, it was time for Lost. There are a few new incomprehensible plotlines. We're now halfway through season three.

Worked from home and did some cleanup of our messy house. The plumber finally came to replace our garbage disposal, which we've been without for a full week. Having lived a large portion of my adult life without a garbage disposal (our entire decade-plus in NYC, our two years in Barcelona, our three years in California, every summer stay in New Hampshire), I have zero ability to live without one. Andrew wanted to wait until we get a new kitchen in a few months, a ridiculous idea I quickly corrected by scheduling the plumber.  Lucia had musical rehearsal after school, and then--at long last--it was time to return to Lost. We are into season three and I am so invested in these characters that I'm not even sure how to NOT just keep watching episodes. We had to stop eventually to turn our attention to The Way Home. This is like a new version of TGIF from my childhood. 

Went into the office for part of the day, wearing a head scarf that was my grandmother's. I came home at lunchtime and worked from home for the afternoon. Lucia had auditions for the Upper School musical, and then both kids had piano lessons. The dresses Lucia picked out for the semi-formal arrived, and her favorite fit her perfectly. She was so happy. Glad tomorrow is Friday so we can get back to watching Lost.

Worked from home in another headwrap from Gabe's. I also remembered that I have a bag of scarves that belonged to my grandmother, and I unearthed those and ironed a few that will work for headwraps. Getting resourceful here. Wish I could use my resourcefulness for literally any other reason. Tonight was the usual busy Wednesday, with Andrew taking Lucia to tutoring while I went to pick Greta up from crew, then all of us eating dinner at different times. Greta is now studying for a math test with the help of Andrew and Poppop on Facetime. Time to go hang out with Nutmeg and Farrah for a bit and then go to bed. Since I'm measuring the first quarter of this year in chemo time, I'll note that today is the end of week one of cycle two. Closer to the halfway mark every day. 

I really debated just working from home today, had even put on a lounge-y WFH outfit after my shower, but then I decided that I had to just leave the house even though I don't want anyone to see me in my current state. Because if I decided to hide today, then it'll be too easy to just decide to hide every day, and that's not what I want. That's a straight and easy path to just never leaving the house. (And I've always been teetering on the edge of never leaving the house, even without cancer.) So I changed into a work outfit, put on a head wrap I'd gotten at Gabe's a few years ago, and went into the office.  Tonight was the girls' chorus concert, which had been postponed from January because of the snow. Mom and Dad met us at the school. It was a lovely concert. I wore my Gabe's head wrap.    

Worked, went for a lunchtime walk with a friend, helped Lucia look for dresses for an upcoming semi-formal. I'm feeling pretty much back to normal today, which is good. Very little leg soreness. The side effects from this round, such as they are, are on exactly the same timeline as round #1.  That said, surprising no one, and despite my best efforts to MAINTAIN PERSPECTIVE, my hair is becoming an issue for me. I don't think I can tolerate it like this, and though I like to imagine myself swanning around confidently in dramatic and elegant head scarves, I'm pretty sure that's not me. Or is it? I ordered a variety of head coverings from Amazon tonight and will try them, but if I lose more hair I think a wig is going to be what makes me feel best. I just want to look like myself, because that's how I feel--I don't feel sickly or weak. I'm just...dealing, while also going about my regular life. Maybe that's the perspective I'll be maintaining: cancer is...

We went to Costco this morning to do some stocking up. It feels like March 2020, with so many unknowns and instability. We got nonperishables, snacks, paper products, cleaning products.  I'm feeling pretty good today, same as yesterday, just tired and some leg soreness. Andrew and I took Farrah on a walk which helped as always. Of course, the girls and I watched several episodes of Lost--we just started season three. And I put out our Valentine's Day decorations. Sadly, the hair shedding from the past couple of weeks has left some very thin spots, which I guess was inevitable. It's going to take a little time to adjust, but I'm reminding myself it's only temporary. It will all grow back. I ordered some wide headbands so I can cover up the thin spots and am just going to have to keep perspective. It's just hair. Just hair. Just hair. And just for now.

I slept better last night, though still felt tired today, with the same leg pain emerging as in the first cycle. I really don't want to take any more steroids so I took Claritin and Tylenol (PA's recommendation), which helped a little, and walked a mile around the track at the Schenley Oval this morning, which helped a lot. Andrew and I took Farrah on a walk down to the library later in the day as well so I could pick up some holds. Walking really makes the muscle pain better.  The girls had well visits this morning with the pediatrician, which went fine; Lucia is catching up with Greta height-wise: Greta is 5'5" and Lucia is now 5'3". They may end up the same height in the end.  Back home, we watched The Way Home (which we had to record last night since Lucia was out) and a few episodes of Lost. See? I'm relaxing. Just sitting around watching TV with the kids, and then reading a book.   Andrew made fried fish sandwiches for dinner tonight, then the kids w...